Thats the new rule. . . and im doing my very best to not break the rule, but its really hard. I try to bite my tongue ever time you leave the house and not ask where you are going and when you expect to be home. I try not to worry about you when you are gone, and i try really, really hard not to text you when i just get a little nervous and want to make sure you are ok. Im doing ok with it, not perfect, but ok. Just look at it this way - at least i dont make you call or text me every time you drive out onto Main St. Thats huge! I have come so far - LOL.
Ok, so i frustrate you just a bit, and i ask a question or two too many sometimes, but i take great solace in knowing that one day you will have to deal with this very same thing yourself. You will chuckle to yourself and remember me. I leave you with this thought - when i was your age my mom used to tell me that she hoped i would have a daughter someday that was just like me. Thank God, i was blessed with a daughter like you instead. I pray that you will have a daughter one day just like you. You are wonderful, and i hope you can forgive me for not being able to let you go without even blinking. Just know that i really do love you.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Journals
Some people are very good at keeping journals. I don't happen to be one of them. Then again, i never really saw much reason to do so . . . after all, shouldn't we look to this day and the days ahead that we might be blessed with, rather than dwelling on the past?
I did, however, keep a journal for my daughter because i decided when she was a baby that there were so many great things she was doing and if i didn't write about them she would never have a chance to know about them. My goal was to write about every event, good and bad, that happened to her and then to give the journal to her when she was grown. I even told her about it and she has asked so many times when i was planning on handing it over. As expected, she is now a grown young woman, and a wonderfully vibrant one at that. I have contemplated the ceremonial "handing over" of the journal for many months now, along with all the details of just how to present it in a way as to make it special.
In preparation for the big day i decided to purchase a nice pink box because pink is her favorite color (how funny, i never did like pink as a girl but probably because my mom always tried to push pink for her only daughter and i preferred to be rebellious and love colors like the dark, dark blue i painted my bedroom. Much as mom hated it, its still the same color). Inside this very nice pink box i am placing the hand written portion of the journal, a disk with the portion i decided to put on the computer, and all the neat little knick-knacky things i saved over the years like her award in day care for finally pooping in the toilet, newspaper clippings with pictures of her for doing something great, concert programs (yep! all 1000 of them), dance programs, 4-H awards, firefighter letters, graduation info, etc. I will finish it off with a handwritten note telling her all about the journal and giving her the name of this blog so that as the years go on and i have something profound to share with her she can stop in here and read all about it.
Also during this preparation time i decided to read all of the journal entries i made. It was an amazing time of smiles, laughter and tears. It was also a time to realize how much we can forget - all those little things that at the moment were so very important, but somehow through the busy-ness of our lives we have forgotten them. Ah, maybe now i see a good reason for keeping a journal. I actually found several reasons. The other really important thing i found was that this journal not only holds some wonderful information for RandiLyn, it showed me some things about myself. I think the most important thing it showed me was a progression in my life taking place. One that has made me think a lot over the past few months about exactly what is important in my life, and how far off course i have wondered. Most profoundly i read a slow progression of a change in my faith-walk. Not a good one, not one of growing, but one of forgetting Who is in charge of my life, and What is important. In the early days it was easy to read and see my focus was so much about living a life that was pleasing to, and served our Lord. I looked to Him for direction and loved having a relationship with Him. As time went on i saw years of growth and dependence on Him, then i found that my writing gradually reflected less of Him, more of me. No doubt, there were many years that were desperately painful and loneliness and insecurity filled me. For awhile He was my only strength, but after awhile He dwindled into the background as i became more obsessed with myself. Reading this journal opened my eyes and it filled my spirit with a desire to find my way back. It has made me realize that these days are numbered and i haven't lived in a way that honors the One who made me, the One who loves me no matter what. And for that i am so grateful! I know i don't have it nearly all together but I'm taking the steps to get there. I want to be sold out to the Lord, i want to live my life in a way that shows others who He is, and i want them to want to know Him because they can see how He has changed my life. So now i have found reason number two for journaling.
There is one last reason that i have discovered why journaling really is a good thing. It can be our legacy. A couple years ago my step-mom let me read my grandfathers journal. To me, it was a treasure to be able to hold that little book in my hands and ponder over the pages of his life. To read about things that happened back then, like ailments that we now just go to our primary physician and they can usually fix, like simpler ways of living and the hardships it involved, but yet, it just seemed a normal part of their day, like attitudes about family and each persons importance - even down to cousins. Today most of us barely even keep in touch with our parents, non-the-less a cousin 10 years younger. But most important, my grandpa's journal told me all about him as a man - and a man that i think i would have respected and loved beyond belief. My grandpa died on Halloween day in 1958. How do i remember that? Well, he was taken home so early in life - 49 years old, from a heart attack. The day was Halloween - a holiday (and i say that lightly) that i despise because even as a child i found it annoying. He died when i was a mere 5 months old, and i know that only a few days before his death he was holding me on his lap in the car (no car seats required then) and he was singing me sweet songs about the
Lord. I know that i cant possibly have an actual memory of that day, or even of my grandpa in any way, but yet, i have always felt a warm, close feeling that i cant put in words when i think about him. Its as if i really do know him. His journal verified some of the things that i "felt" about him and told me so many things more. It was an amazing time for me to read all about this wonderful man that i someday hope to find when i walk through the gates of Heaven (that is, after i get to hang out with Jesus and marvel at being face to face with Him for a bit). I have a love for my Grandpa Marra that i cant explain and somehow i imagine, that if he were alive, he and i would have spent many glorious days together and enjoyed each others company. Gosh, i really miss him. (I think he is so handsome!)Well, i guess its time to get the journal ready to hand over now. I hope that it will be as enlightening to you (RandiLyn) as it was to me. I so enjoyed the time i spent reading it and i have so enjoyed being your mom and traveling down this road with you. I am enjoying the days now watching you carve out the path of your life and growing into a beautiful woman. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, hunnie. There is nothing more important and i am so proud of you for the way you have grown in your faith. You are a beautiful example to me.
Handing over our legacy with love,
Mom
XOXOXO
Friday, August 22, 2008
Choose Your Attitude!
Today at work a co-worker was talking to me about a question that is on our quarterly review. The question is "How do you think we could achieve a better atmosphere in the workplace?" Don't you just love all the philosophical $%#@?.) Her response was a good one - "Have everyone leave their attitudes at the door each morning when they enter". A couple of observations about that response:
1. It gives the impression that perhaps everyone that comes to work in this place has bad attitudes each morning. Why would you want to leave a good attitude at the door?
2. If everyone that does come to work each day has a bad attitude, why is that? Is it work related? Is it home related? or are the majority of people just miserable. (Maybe no one except me is a morning person. Sometimes around my house i really believe that).
3. Isn't it really more a matter of choosing the "right" attitude in all things you do?
Choosing the right attitude! Seems pretty basic and simple. Lets face it, we all pretty much know that if you are going into a meeting with the corporate officers, a smile is nice, but giggly small-talk certainly doesn't cut it as far as professionalism goes. That's not to say that a graven attitude and only cold stares at everyone there is going to get the job done either. But i think we are, for the most part, able to adjust our basic attitudes to the appropriate level in most situations. When we consider attitudes, however, that affect the world around us, it is the inner most part of our attitude that drives the way our world revolves. It is the choice of our "moods" that really make the difference. It is so easy to be "sucked" into the attitude of those around us - to become like them, to respond in like manner. If you are around people who have a strong, positive, light-hearted, kind, giving, loving attitude how can you help but have a few of those traits yourself. If you are around people who are always tired, ill, angry, or bored - then its almost a guarantee that you will find yourself acting in that same manner.
So here's my solution - and its profound . . . surround yourself with those who have an attitude you love! Yep, that's it! I told you it was simple - NOT! Unfortunately, we are not able to control others attitudes. We can help encourage them one way or another, but we are not in control of them. We can only be in control of ourselves. So the real solution must be to CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE, and then guard it with your life. Don't get sucked into the attitudes around you. Don't get sucked into the problems of life. Problems will happen and we have to deal with them, but do just that - deal with them, then move on. One of my favorite things to do when i used to work in restaurants was to find a person in an absolutely foul mood, and then do everything i could to make sure that person left with a smile on their face. Most times i could do it, but on the times i couldn't, I'm betting that they at least felt a bit better when they left than when they came in (thank God for good food - LOL). In doing good for others you do your own heart good.
Let me just say one more thing about doing good for others. Its wonderful and we should take as many opportunities as we can to lift up others. Whether its words or deeds it doesn't matter. Kindness is contagious . . . usually. Many of us "do-gooders" have a real tendency to spend so much of our energy doing for others that we don't "do" for ourselves. That causes stress and stress affects our attitude. Take time for yourself. Do good, kind things for yourself from time to time and learn to say "no". Sometimes you just need to and people will understand. You have "worth" and you are valued as a person. Sometimes you can get so caught up in "doing" for others that you begin to loose your own self worth. That's a dangerous place to be so take a break and spoil yourself from time to time.
My favorite quote on attitudes is from a guy who has about the best attitude i could ever want to emulate - John Maxwell. "Your attitude determines your altitude".
1. It gives the impression that perhaps everyone that comes to work in this place has bad attitudes each morning. Why would you want to leave a good attitude at the door?
2. If everyone that does come to work each day has a bad attitude, why is that? Is it work related? Is it home related? or are the majority of people just miserable. (Maybe no one except me is a morning person. Sometimes around my house i really believe that).
3. Isn't it really more a matter of choosing the "right" attitude in all things you do?
Choosing the right attitude! Seems pretty basic and simple. Lets face it, we all pretty much know that if you are going into a meeting with the corporate officers, a smile is nice, but giggly small-talk certainly doesn't cut it as far as professionalism goes. That's not to say that a graven attitude and only cold stares at everyone there is going to get the job done either. But i think we are, for the most part, able to adjust our basic attitudes to the appropriate level in most situations. When we consider attitudes, however, that affect the world around us, it is the inner most part of our attitude that drives the way our world revolves. It is the choice of our "moods" that really make the difference. It is so easy to be "sucked" into the attitude of those around us - to become like them, to respond in like manner. If you are around people who have a strong, positive, light-hearted, kind, giving, loving attitude how can you help but have a few of those traits yourself. If you are around people who are always tired, ill, angry, or bored - then its almost a guarantee that you will find yourself acting in that same manner.
So here's my solution - and its profound . . . surround yourself with those who have an attitude you love! Yep, that's it! I told you it was simple - NOT! Unfortunately, we are not able to control others attitudes. We can help encourage them one way or another, but we are not in control of them. We can only be in control of ourselves. So the real solution must be to CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE, and then guard it with your life. Don't get sucked into the attitudes around you. Don't get sucked into the problems of life. Problems will happen and we have to deal with them, but do just that - deal with them, then move on. One of my favorite things to do when i used to work in restaurants was to find a person in an absolutely foul mood, and then do everything i could to make sure that person left with a smile on their face. Most times i could do it, but on the times i couldn't, I'm betting that they at least felt a bit better when they left than when they came in (thank God for good food - LOL). In doing good for others you do your own heart good.
Let me just say one more thing about doing good for others. Its wonderful and we should take as many opportunities as we can to lift up others. Whether its words or deeds it doesn't matter. Kindness is contagious . . . usually. Many of us "do-gooders" have a real tendency to spend so much of our energy doing for others that we don't "do" for ourselves. That causes stress and stress affects our attitude. Take time for yourself. Do good, kind things for yourself from time to time and learn to say "no". Sometimes you just need to and people will understand. You have "worth" and you are valued as a person. Sometimes you can get so caught up in "doing" for others that you begin to loose your own self worth. That's a dangerous place to be so take a break and spoil yourself from time to time.
My favorite quote on attitudes is from a guy who has about the best attitude i could ever want to emulate - John Maxwell. "Your attitude determines your altitude".
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Testing the Empty Nest
The next few days will be a test of the Empty Nest Syndrome. RandiLyn left for a short vacation to Florida to stay with my brother and i am feeling like my little girl has moved away. I know that is probably a huge exaggeration of what is really taking place, but i had to be brave and let her go to a big airport, go in all by herself, do all the check-in stuff without me standing right there to intervene when needed, get on that big bus that takes on air and glides to a destination in amazing time, then get off in another even bigger airport, find her next take-off spot, wait in the midst of strangers and "strange-folk" for a long time, get on another big air bus, and fly to yet another huge airport, try to find luggage all alone, and race safely to my waiting brother (who is always more than a few minutes late). Well, after much prayer and putting her in the safe arms of the Lord, she has made it safely and is enjoying Fla. way too much for mom's liking! Thank you brother David!
Now i know that when someone comes into town to visit, especially for the first time, you are required to show them a great time and keep them busy every minute . . . however, you must keep in mind that this is my 18 year old baby, and she is just itching for a chance to move onward in life to any potentially fun, exiciting opportunity that may jump in her path. Even my SIL, Heidi, is taking her to a really big church down there that she told RL she will really like. Now, dont get me wrong, i am way happy that Heidi is taking her to church, but now you are touching on those little points that will make Southern Fla. seem so much like home, and so easy to transition into should she decide to re-locate soon. So far the ocean and beach are way cool, the water is so beautiful and blue, the Hard Rock Cafe down there is soooo huge-a and cool, the weather is sooo wonderful (even though its been rainy), and "mom, i wish you could be here with me - its so beautiful that you wont believe it". I know, i know. I lived there - remember? Well, i cant blame David and Heidi for showing her a good time. Thats their job as good Aunt and Uncle, but could you please tell her how wonderful it is in Buffalo with its wonderfully unpredictable snowstorms in October, its torrential rainstorms accompanied by severe thunderstorms in the midst of our dinner party which was planned for the patio (every time we have had one this year or last, including last night - more later about that!), the 2 whole weeks of wonderful summer weather that we get to savor, and all of the mud, slush, and beautiful salt-stained snow which so vividly enhances our viewing pleasure? I just know with that in mind, she will be rushing home to stay any moment . . . yeah, right!
Oh well, so goes for practicing to adjust to the "empty nest"! I guess we better get used to the idea.
As for the dinner party last night, well lets just say that i have pretty much decide there are 2 things in life that im not planning on doing any more, or at least for now (maybe until grandchildren come into the picture). The two things are - no more family get-to-gethers, and no more outdoor parties. We wont get into the family thing here but as for outdoor parties . . . Yesterday i spent from 6:30am until 6:00pm getting my house thoroughly cleaned (Walt worked dilegently outside and even passed up a chance for overtime - what a wonderful husband). I shopped and cooked and set up (not to mention shopping and cooking earlier in the week) so we could entertain 12 of our best friends and 5 of their young children. It was Italian nite and i cooked a huge amount of pasta, meatballs and sauce along with chicken ceasar salad, garlic bread, spinach and regular pizza, stuffed mushrooms, artichoke dip and to top it off, carrot cake. My friend Deb also brought 2 wonderful cakes. We had this wonderful night by the pond, under starlight and candle, ending with a gathering around the firepit for good laughs and conversation. Well, let me tell you - not much laughing going on! At the outset it was wonderful, but then from nowhere this Huge-a bolt of lightening that dropped everyone to their knees flew literally overhead and hit the ground so hard we almost all needed defibrulators. From there little rumbles were going on, then the rain and more bigger rumbles, bright lightening way too close for my comfort (i went in the house . . .chicken!). As i was getting some things ready for dessert in the house i looked out and saw the tent canopy swaying so hard in the wind (mind you, its 10'x20',not small), the sides flying up, and rain so hard that you couldnt see 10 feet in front of you clearly. Lightening everywhere and then the hail comes down. Im on the cell phone to my husband who is in the tent with all of our guests except the very smart children who are in the house with me (asking for candles to be lit because they were sure the power was going to go out - and i was, of course lighting them). Get in heeerrrreeee noooowww!!!! im screaming to him. He is telling me they are trying to get there but its really raining hard! No kidding, im watching it and im watching that tent which is about to blow away so you might as well just go for it! All of a sudden i have 12 people all trying to get in my back door and up the steps at the same time. Of course there are 2 dogs, 1 huge cat, and 5 kids all blocking the way. Now its a comparrison of who is wettest, as they all come into the nicely air-conditioned house and say "shut off the air - we are freezing! (they would have enjoyed all the heat that was bottled up in the kitchen hours ago when i was slaving over preparations with an oven and 4 burners going). . . .
As you may have guessed, the party really dwinded from there! We made a few attempts to go back out, but after the hailstorm decided to let up, the rain just continued to drizzle and it was hopeless. The party that was supposed to last till the wee hours around the firepit was over at 9pm. Thus, no more outdoor parties!
Today i get to spend most of the day cleaning up and i will do it cheerfully and with a glad heart - maybe. In the meantime, i will be missing my beautiful daughter as she becomes more and more impressed with a life in the south. Im sure i will get pic messages and many more texts about its beauty. Hmmmm, maybe we should move down there . . .
Blessings on this beautiful day,
Lin
Now i know that when someone comes into town to visit, especially for the first time, you are required to show them a great time and keep them busy every minute . . . however, you must keep in mind that this is my 18 year old baby, and she is just itching for a chance to move onward in life to any potentially fun, exiciting opportunity that may jump in her path. Even my SIL, Heidi, is taking her to a really big church down there that she told RL she will really like. Now, dont get me wrong, i am way happy that Heidi is taking her to church, but now you are touching on those little points that will make Southern Fla. seem so much like home, and so easy to transition into should she decide to re-locate soon. So far the ocean and beach are way cool, the water is so beautiful and blue, the Hard Rock Cafe down there is soooo huge-a and cool, the weather is sooo wonderful (even though its been rainy), and "mom, i wish you could be here with me - its so beautiful that you wont believe it". I know, i know. I lived there - remember? Well, i cant blame David and Heidi for showing her a good time. Thats their job as good Aunt and Uncle, but could you please tell her how wonderful it is in Buffalo with its wonderfully unpredictable snowstorms in October, its torrential rainstorms accompanied by severe thunderstorms in the midst of our dinner party which was planned for the patio (every time we have had one this year or last, including last night - more later about that!), the 2 whole weeks of wonderful summer weather that we get to savor, and all of the mud, slush, and beautiful salt-stained snow which so vividly enhances our viewing pleasure? I just know with that in mind, she will be rushing home to stay any moment . . . yeah, right!
Oh well, so goes for practicing to adjust to the "empty nest"! I guess we better get used to the idea.
As for the dinner party last night, well lets just say that i have pretty much decide there are 2 things in life that im not planning on doing any more, or at least for now (maybe until grandchildren come into the picture). The two things are - no more family get-to-gethers, and no more outdoor parties. We wont get into the family thing here but as for outdoor parties . . . Yesterday i spent from 6:30am until 6:00pm getting my house thoroughly cleaned (Walt worked dilegently outside and even passed up a chance for overtime - what a wonderful husband). I shopped and cooked and set up (not to mention shopping and cooking earlier in the week) so we could entertain 12 of our best friends and 5 of their young children. It was Italian nite and i cooked a huge amount of pasta, meatballs and sauce along with chicken ceasar salad, garlic bread, spinach and regular pizza, stuffed mushrooms, artichoke dip and to top it off, carrot cake. My friend Deb also brought 2 wonderful cakes. We had this wonderful night by the pond, under starlight and candle, ending with a gathering around the firepit for good laughs and conversation. Well, let me tell you - not much laughing going on! At the outset it was wonderful, but then from nowhere this Huge-a bolt of lightening that dropped everyone to their knees flew literally overhead and hit the ground so hard we almost all needed defibrulators. From there little rumbles were going on, then the rain and more bigger rumbles, bright lightening way too close for my comfort (i went in the house . . .chicken!). As i was getting some things ready for dessert in the house i looked out and saw the tent canopy swaying so hard in the wind (mind you, its 10'x20',not small), the sides flying up, and rain so hard that you couldnt see 10 feet in front of you clearly. Lightening everywhere and then the hail comes down. Im on the cell phone to my husband who is in the tent with all of our guests except the very smart children who are in the house with me (asking for candles to be lit because they were sure the power was going to go out - and i was, of course lighting them). Get in heeerrrreeee noooowww!!!! im screaming to him. He is telling me they are trying to get there but its really raining hard! No kidding, im watching it and im watching that tent which is about to blow away so you might as well just go for it! All of a sudden i have 12 people all trying to get in my back door and up the steps at the same time. Of course there are 2 dogs, 1 huge cat, and 5 kids all blocking the way. Now its a comparrison of who is wettest, as they all come into the nicely air-conditioned house and say "shut off the air - we are freezing! (they would have enjoyed all the heat that was bottled up in the kitchen hours ago when i was slaving over preparations with an oven and 4 burners going). . . .
As you may have guessed, the party really dwinded from there! We made a few attempts to go back out, but after the hailstorm decided to let up, the rain just continued to drizzle and it was hopeless. The party that was supposed to last till the wee hours around the firepit was over at 9pm. Thus, no more outdoor parties!
Today i get to spend most of the day cleaning up and i will do it cheerfully and with a glad heart - maybe. In the meantime, i will be missing my beautiful daughter as she becomes more and more impressed with a life in the south. Im sure i will get pic messages and many more texts about its beauty. Hmmmm, maybe we should move down there . . .
Blessings on this beautiful day,
Lin
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Moving On
Its a beautiful Sunday morning and i am completely enjoying the tranquility of the moment. The fish are swimming carefree in the pond, there is a gentle breeze blowing the sweet smell from some unknown flower into my window, the sun is sparkling on the stream, and the birds are filling the air with a beautiful song.
Today is the day that i closed out the journal i have been keeping for you, my precious daughter! There isnt any sadness in this moment as i had once imagined there would be. There is a feeling of anticipation and excitement. Closing your journal seems to be a step to a new future with you - one filled with new adventures and new journeys. It is a small step in releasing you to worlds yet unknown and a chance for me to see just how well i have done in raising the precious child God blessed me with 18 years ago. I am excited!
I hope that as you ponder through the pages of thoughts that i have kept since 1991 you will discover things you didnt know, remember things you forgot, and cherish the years as much as i do. The past is full of treasures that we hold. Hold them as a means to help you grow, not as a way to dwell on things you cant change. What is done is done, what is ahead is still undetermined, but what is here today is right in the palm of your hand. Grab onto each moment and live it well, live it right, live it with love in your heart and joy in your feet. Let God be the one who leads you, and remember that my love and support is right by your side always.
God bless and lead you (and me) as we venture down new roads and discover many new lands. Im right here with you PeeDee, and we are gonna have some fun!
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Today is the day that i closed out the journal i have been keeping for you, my precious daughter! There isnt any sadness in this moment as i had once imagined there would be. There is a feeling of anticipation and excitement. Closing your journal seems to be a step to a new future with you - one filled with new adventures and new journeys. It is a small step in releasing you to worlds yet unknown and a chance for me to see just how well i have done in raising the precious child God blessed me with 18 years ago. I am excited!
I hope that as you ponder through the pages of thoughts that i have kept since 1991 you will discover things you didnt know, remember things you forgot, and cherish the years as much as i do. The past is full of treasures that we hold. Hold them as a means to help you grow, not as a way to dwell on things you cant change. What is done is done, what is ahead is still undetermined, but what is here today is right in the palm of your hand. Grab onto each moment and live it well, live it right, live it with love in your heart and joy in your feet. Let God be the one who leads you, and remember that my love and support is right by your side always.
God bless and lead you (and me) as we venture down new roads and discover many new lands. Im right here with you PeeDee, and we are gonna have some fun!
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Sunday, July 6, 2008
God Blessed Me By Making Me Your Mom!
What a day! Its the one you think about as your little baby sleeps snuggly in your arms. Its the one you imagine as you put your child on that school bus for the first time and they hold on to your neck for dear life and you have to peel their little hands from you and watch them cry hysterically as the bus pulls away. Its the one you think of as they begin their first day of high school, knowing all too well the next 4 years will pass in a heartbeat. Its the day that makes you realize that God gave you a job to do and you have done the best you can. You have made it to this day and from here on out things change. You are in semi retirement now and your teaching takes a backseat to the worlds sometime hard and cold lessons. Yet you have a new function. One that could hold many new moments to treasure and many opportunities to share life experiences, in a new and almost exciting way. Now you get to deal with that precious child as a precious young adult. The lessons will be new, the outcomes will be interesting, and God will still be right there guiding and leading me forward on this new adventure. I look forward to it, and i look forward to watching my precious little baby girl, my exciting and vibrant little girl, my beautiful and wonderful daughter as she becomes a woman. Enjoy your adventures - every one - and know that im still right here for you always and i will never leave you for one minute. I love you PeeDee.
Mom
XOXOXO
Mom
XOXOXO
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Unseen . . .
As i sit here this morning on my front porch i feel compelled to put thought to writting. Im not still 49 - and as hard as that is for me to actually comprehend it is the truth. A half a century seems like a really long time, yet in the perspective of my life, it seems like a blink of the eye. That thought is scary to me because it makes me realize that i have, realistically, lived over half my life - and that being said, i have alot i want to get done and i had better get moving!
I think that the one thing i have strived to accomplish, yet seem to be having a huge setback right now, is to have a life that is surrendered to God. A life where serving Him, loving Him, and living every day for Him is not something i have to work at or think about, its something that just happens. I have been so blessed by the blog that Angie Smith has been writing: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
Angie and her husband, Todd have been going through such a difficult time, and yet, at every turn she is so surrendered to God. She has inspired me so with the way she always hears His voice and i want to be able to hear His voice also. What scares me in saying that is that i dont want to go through anything like she is enduring so i fear making statements like that. What i need to realize is that this kind of thinking comes from the enemy, Satan. He puts doubt and fear in our mind and trys to block our way to God. I need to get over this and just be completely able to surrender. I also need to make the time to grow in my relationship with God. I can never expect to hear from Him if i dont make the time to listen. My prayer right now is that (oh those fears of what He might do) I will work harder on making time for conversation with God, and that i will be drawn to His life-manual . . . The Bible. (And as a side note, Lord, i just pray that you will be present and huge in the lives of Angie and Todd, and also Greg and Nicole Sponberg as they go through this painful time. Only You can bring them the comfort and peace they need so desperately.)
Oh my goodness! My precious daughter is almost graduating from highschool and i dont believe how fast she has grown up. I am proud of her beyond words and i pray, pray, pray that she will make good choices and be sucessful and happy in her life. I know that this month will be an absolute whirlwind and that it will seem like no time at all until i am sitting here writing about her last month of highschool and all the fond memories i have of her.
Unseen . . . i almost forgot what i titled this. In short - His mercy, grace and love flow in abundance to all who acknowledge Him, and even to many who do not. He is only "unsceen" to those who choose to not open their eyes, minds and hearts. When you are open to Him, you just cant miss Him. . . and He love us, each and everyone in depths we cannot even fathom.
Summer is almost here. For that i am really happy (oh, why do i live in Buffalo?)
I think that the one thing i have strived to accomplish, yet seem to be having a huge setback right now, is to have a life that is surrendered to God. A life where serving Him, loving Him, and living every day for Him is not something i have to work at or think about, its something that just happens. I have been so blessed by the blog that Angie Smith has been writing: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
Angie and her husband, Todd have been going through such a difficult time, and yet, at every turn she is so surrendered to God. She has inspired me so with the way she always hears His voice and i want to be able to hear His voice also. What scares me in saying that is that i dont want to go through anything like she is enduring so i fear making statements like that. What i need to realize is that this kind of thinking comes from the enemy, Satan. He puts doubt and fear in our mind and trys to block our way to God. I need to get over this and just be completely able to surrender. I also need to make the time to grow in my relationship with God. I can never expect to hear from Him if i dont make the time to listen. My prayer right now is that (oh those fears of what He might do) I will work harder on making time for conversation with God, and that i will be drawn to His life-manual . . . The Bible. (And as a side note, Lord, i just pray that you will be present and huge in the lives of Angie and Todd, and also Greg and Nicole Sponberg as they go through this painful time. Only You can bring them the comfort and peace they need so desperately.)
Oh my goodness! My precious daughter is almost graduating from highschool and i dont believe how fast she has grown up. I am proud of her beyond words and i pray, pray, pray that she will make good choices and be sucessful and happy in her life. I know that this month will be an absolute whirlwind and that it will seem like no time at all until i am sitting here writing about her last month of highschool and all the fond memories i have of her.
Unseen . . . i almost forgot what i titled this. In short - His mercy, grace and love flow in abundance to all who acknowledge Him, and even to many who do not. He is only "unsceen" to those who choose to not open their eyes, minds and hearts. When you are open to Him, you just cant miss Him. . . and He love us, each and everyone in depths we cannot even fathom.
Summer is almost here. For that i am really happy (oh, why do i live in Buffalo?)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Im Still 49!!!!
That scary number 50 is only hours away! I remember as a child i used to think about actually turning 50 and how it would happen in the year 2008!!!! It was soooo very far away. In fact, the thought of merely moving from the 1900's to the 2000's was almost unfathomable to me way, way back then (or as our precious children say - in the old days). Well, its here! And i made it, and now sometimes i sit and think that my life, in actuality, it over half over.
Now if i go on the averages, i probably have another 30 years or so. If i go by my family history, could be more like 40 or more. Grandma is still hanging in there - dementia and all - at the ripe, old age of 93 or something about there. Although i have to say, im not sure what value there is in living that long, being totally dependent on others, not really knowing who you are, peeing your pant (or doing the other is worse and just gross!) How can that be good? Still, my life is over half over and it i dont get my stuff together pretty soon, im not gonna get to all the stuff i need to. (Just a little more stress!)
Sometimes when i look in the mirror i wonder if the face i see is the same as the face that others see, or am i fooling myself into believing i look like i do. Maybe this face really does look all ragged and old. Maybe i do really look like the rest of the 50 year olds i see around. Sometimes my husband, who is a fabulous photographer, will catch a picture of me and when i look at it, its all full of lines and wrinkles and its just plain scary! I look old! I get those chipmunk jowels like i see on my mothers face and im horrified! It cant happen - oh, Oil of Olay. Im still 19, i know i am. I havent aged a day!
But then i see some famous person on TV that i remember from my childhood, and wow!!! They are old - not me though. They have aged over the past 30 years but i have absolutely not!!!! Thats my story, and im sticking to it.
Its almost my birthday. Even though its a landmark one, they just dont mean what they used to.
Now if i go on the averages, i probably have another 30 years or so. If i go by my family history, could be more like 40 or more. Grandma is still hanging in there - dementia and all - at the ripe, old age of 93 or something about there. Although i have to say, im not sure what value there is in living that long, being totally dependent on others, not really knowing who you are, peeing your pant (or doing the other is worse and just gross!) How can that be good? Still, my life is over half over and it i dont get my stuff together pretty soon, im not gonna get to all the stuff i need to. (Just a little more stress!)
Sometimes when i look in the mirror i wonder if the face i see is the same as the face that others see, or am i fooling myself into believing i look like i do. Maybe this face really does look all ragged and old. Maybe i do really look like the rest of the 50 year olds i see around. Sometimes my husband, who is a fabulous photographer, will catch a picture of me and when i look at it, its all full of lines and wrinkles and its just plain scary! I look old! I get those chipmunk jowels like i see on my mothers face and im horrified! It cant happen - oh, Oil of Olay. Im still 19, i know i am. I havent aged a day!
But then i see some famous person on TV that i remember from my childhood, and wow!!! They are old - not me though. They have aged over the past 30 years but i have absolutely not!!!! Thats my story, and im sticking to it.
Its almost my birthday. Even though its a landmark one, they just dont mean what they used to.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Time to get started!
I have delayed getting started on this for way too long and i have no excuses except that i seem to have alot of excuses for not doing the things i should and getting distracted with the little things that hold such little meaning. I think that i have finally reached a time in my life when i can see that it has a termination point and yet, there is so much i want to do. Im feeling a certain amount of anxiety in that i may not get to it all and i dont want that to happen.
Life for the past few years has been very unsettled and disorganized - something im not good at! The perfectionist in me always wants things to be done on time, thoroughly and neatly, and without stress. The people around me dont seem to want that for me . . . and so goes the battle. Yet i feel that soon i will be organized and well directed once again so that i can get back to the things of importance.
So whats important to me? Well my walk with the Lord is first and formost, but like everything else it hasnt been put in its proper priorty spot in my life. I know i need to work on it and i know that its something i should be living daily. I try . . . but im so human. I guess thats why i need my Jesus so much in my life - because my human-ness would be my demise. I am nothing without Him and i need to start living every day with that highest regard.
My daughter, RandiLyn is next. She is the joy of my life and i am so very proud of her. We have been the best of friends and there are days i would not have gotten through without her. She is the reason i have made it through so much - just knowing that i need to be here for her. She is vibrant, and goofy, and loving, and talented. She is also beautiful. I know i will share more about her as i continue with this blog.
My husband, Walt. He has been the love of my life for 6 years. Its a tough one - this relationship! It always has been and believe me, there are days i wonder why i love him. But i do. You take two people, almost 50 years old - put them into a new relationship after they both have battle scars from their past relationships, and you cant expect smooth sailing. But we have a bond and its a forever bond. My God tells me that i have to work hard to be a good wife and to always honor my husband. He is absolutely right and that is my goal. No one said it would be easy.
Then there is my new puppy, Tobie Mac. Well, he is just a riot and im so glad he came to live with us.
Time doesnt allow me any more freedom to write at the moment, but there has to be a starting point so let this be it. The sun is out, its supposed to be a fantastic spring day in Buffalo, and i cant wait to get out in my gardens. Blessings and joy to you .
Lin
Life for the past few years has been very unsettled and disorganized - something im not good at! The perfectionist in me always wants things to be done on time, thoroughly and neatly, and without stress. The people around me dont seem to want that for me . . . and so goes the battle. Yet i feel that soon i will be organized and well directed once again so that i can get back to the things of importance.
So whats important to me? Well my walk with the Lord is first and formost, but like everything else it hasnt been put in its proper priorty spot in my life. I know i need to work on it and i know that its something i should be living daily. I try . . . but im so human. I guess thats why i need my Jesus so much in my life - because my human-ness would be my demise. I am nothing without Him and i need to start living every day with that highest regard.
My daughter, RandiLyn is next. She is the joy of my life and i am so very proud of her. We have been the best of friends and there are days i would not have gotten through without her. She is the reason i have made it through so much - just knowing that i need to be here for her. She is vibrant, and goofy, and loving, and talented. She is also beautiful. I know i will share more about her as i continue with this blog.
My husband, Walt. He has been the love of my life for 6 years. Its a tough one - this relationship! It always has been and believe me, there are days i wonder why i love him. But i do. You take two people, almost 50 years old - put them into a new relationship after they both have battle scars from their past relationships, and you cant expect smooth sailing. But we have a bond and its a forever bond. My God tells me that i have to work hard to be a good wife and to always honor my husband. He is absolutely right and that is my goal. No one said it would be easy.
Then there is my new puppy, Tobie Mac. Well, he is just a riot and im so glad he came to live with us.
Time doesnt allow me any more freedom to write at the moment, but there has to be a starting point so let this be it. The sun is out, its supposed to be a fantastic spring day in Buffalo, and i cant wait to get out in my gardens. Blessings and joy to you .
Lin
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