Im Still 49!!!!

That scary number 50 is only hours away! I remember as a child i used to think about actually turning 50 and how it would happen in the year 2008!!!! It was soooo very far away. In fact, the thought of merely moving from the 1900's to the 2000's was almost unfathomable to me way, way back then (or as our precious children say - in the old days). Well, its here! And i made it, and now sometimes i sit and think that my life, in actuality, it over half over.

Now if i go on the averages, i probably have another 30 years or so. If i go by my family history, could be more like 40 or more. Grandma is still hanging in there - dementia and all - at the ripe, old age of 93 or something about there. Although i have to say, im not sure what value there is in living that long, being totally dependent on others, not really knowing who you are, peeing your pant (or doing the other is worse and just gross!) How can that be good? Still, my life is over half over and it i dont get my stuff together pretty soon, im not gonna get to all the stuff i need to. (Just a little more stress!)

Sometimes when i look in the mirror i wonder if the face i see is the same as the face that others see, or am i fooling myself into believing i look like i do. Maybe this face really does look all ragged and old. Maybe i do really look like the rest of the 50 year olds i see around. Sometimes my husband, who is a fabulous photographer, will catch a picture of me and when i look at it, its all full of lines and wrinkles and its just plain scary! I look old! I get those chipmunk jowels like i see on my mothers face and im horrified! It cant happen - oh, Oil of Olay. Im still 19, i know i am. I havent aged a day!

But then i see some famous person on TV that i remember from my childhood, and wow!!! They are old - not me though. They have aged over the past 30 years but i have absolutely not!!!! Thats my story, and im sticking to it.

Its almost my birthday. Even though its a landmark one, they just dont mean what they used to.