Answered questions, answered prayers . . . they seem to come at times least expected and they are sometimes so subtle that you could miss them if you breathe too fast. I wonder how many i have missed . . . makes me sad :(
I think i will try to pay attention from now on!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Milestones
I have been consumed for the past couple days with so many thoughts, but the one I am obscessed with is this – I have just completed living 50 years! That’s kinda scary in some respects. But in other respects it’s a great milestone that has made me realize I have now entered the portion of my life that will lead me to my final destiny – the days are limited – and I want to live every one of them to the fullest.
I have said this to both of you – every morning when I open my eyes i just hope that the day will be one filled with joy, laughter, and love. I pray that my family (who for the most part is both of you) will share in my day, and more than anything I pray that the two of you will find some way to mend the wounds in your relationship with each other. You see, I love you both and you are tearing my heart out daily. I feel like im being forced to take sides, not one side or the other but both sides. Yet, there is really not any side for me to take. I feel like no matter what I say to either of you someone gets mad at me. I feel like I have to keep defending myself, and yet I haven’t done anything I need to defend. Im just trying to love both of you. Im trying to take both of your sides, and neither of your sides. Im trying not to hurt or offend anyone.
In all of this there is something I keep thinking and its pretty simple. . . Life is just too short, and I don’t have endless days left. I can go through these days and hold grudges against people, I can hold bitterness in my heart. Where does that get me? Does it make my life better? Or does it just leave me imprisioned within myself – filled with discontent, anger, anxiety and discord? What is all that worth?
Here is something I read today:
"Romans 15:2 'Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.'
Being depressed and dissatisfied with life can be caused by a myriad of things. But for many of us, these are symptoms that we have focused too much on ourselves and are angry with life. We have forgotten to count our blessings, thank and praise God, and help those around us. This verse addresses the last in this list: thinking of others is just what Christ did. It makes a difference in the life we bless and we also find ourselves immensely blessed."
God didn’t put us here on this earth and give us His permission to hate or judge anyone. He has made it very clear that we are to Love, and that only He can judge. We don’t have that right – lest we be judged just as harshly. I don’t know about you guys, but im just a little bit afraid of blatently disobeying God. Think about it - we judge people without even a thought. We judge those we see on street corners, those that arent doing such a good job driving, those in front of us in line at the store, our co-workers (big time), our neighbors, our teachers, the mom at the park with 5 dirty kids running wild, the old guy who collects scrap metal from everyone's garbage, the big, strange kid we see walking down the road every day, the woman walking her scruffy dog that pee's on our lawn (oops, i think our puppy does that every time he goes for a walk). We even judge our husband, wife, kids, parents, sisters and brothers . . .we judge everyone. Sadly, all these people we are judging are loved intensly by God. They are all His children and He thinks they are all great people. What right do we have?
I have made a decision to make some changes. Some i am not telling you about, some i have shared. I am getting alot of negativism and critiscism for doing what i believe is right. That cannot stop me. God has never stopped loving me during the times in my life when i was an ugly person. He loved me despite it all. The fact that Jesus walked this earth, set a perfect example for me to follow, and then gave His life for me on a cross is all the motivation and conviction i need to do what i feel is right. I love you guys both so much. I want a perfect life for all of us, but you know what? Its not perfect, it never will be. But i will not waste the days i have left on a life that isnt filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness . . .
All my love to you both,
Lin (Mom)
xoxoxo
Love this song by Point of Grace - if i could only figure out how to download it.
Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want, But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back
Turn up the music, Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it. Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live
So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children,
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth' Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it, Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself'
Cause in the end there's nobody else
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live!
I have said this to both of you – every morning when I open my eyes i just hope that the day will be one filled with joy, laughter, and love. I pray that my family (who for the most part is both of you) will share in my day, and more than anything I pray that the two of you will find some way to mend the wounds in your relationship with each other. You see, I love you both and you are tearing my heart out daily. I feel like im being forced to take sides, not one side or the other but both sides. Yet, there is really not any side for me to take. I feel like no matter what I say to either of you someone gets mad at me. I feel like I have to keep defending myself, and yet I haven’t done anything I need to defend. Im just trying to love both of you. Im trying to take both of your sides, and neither of your sides. Im trying not to hurt or offend anyone.
In all of this there is something I keep thinking and its pretty simple. . . Life is just too short, and I don’t have endless days left. I can go through these days and hold grudges against people, I can hold bitterness in my heart. Where does that get me? Does it make my life better? Or does it just leave me imprisioned within myself – filled with discontent, anger, anxiety and discord? What is all that worth?
Here is something I read today:
"Romans 15:2 'Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.'
Being depressed and dissatisfied with life can be caused by a myriad of things. But for many of us, these are symptoms that we have focused too much on ourselves and are angry with life. We have forgotten to count our blessings, thank and praise God, and help those around us. This verse addresses the last in this list: thinking of others is just what Christ did. It makes a difference in the life we bless and we also find ourselves immensely blessed."
God didn’t put us here on this earth and give us His permission to hate or judge anyone. He has made it very clear that we are to Love, and that only He can judge. We don’t have that right – lest we be judged just as harshly. I don’t know about you guys, but im just a little bit afraid of blatently disobeying God. Think about it - we judge people without even a thought. We judge those we see on street corners, those that arent doing such a good job driving, those in front of us in line at the store, our co-workers (big time), our neighbors, our teachers, the mom at the park with 5 dirty kids running wild, the old guy who collects scrap metal from everyone's garbage, the big, strange kid we see walking down the road every day, the woman walking her scruffy dog that pee's on our lawn (oops, i think our puppy does that every time he goes for a walk). We even judge our husband, wife, kids, parents, sisters and brothers . . .we judge everyone. Sadly, all these people we are judging are loved intensly by God. They are all His children and He thinks they are all great people. What right do we have?
I have made a decision to make some changes. Some i am not telling you about, some i have shared. I am getting alot of negativism and critiscism for doing what i believe is right. That cannot stop me. God has never stopped loving me during the times in my life when i was an ugly person. He loved me despite it all. The fact that Jesus walked this earth, set a perfect example for me to follow, and then gave His life for me on a cross is all the motivation and conviction i need to do what i feel is right. I love you guys both so much. I want a perfect life for all of us, but you know what? Its not perfect, it never will be. But i will not waste the days i have left on a life that isnt filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness . . .
All my love to you both,
Lin (Mom)
xoxoxo
Love this song by Point of Grace - if i could only figure out how to download it.
Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want, But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back
Turn up the music, Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it. Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live
So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children,
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth' Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it, Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself'
Cause in the end there's nobody else
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Not Me Monday - Stellan Style!
I did not get up every morning at 5:30am and go to my computer, put up my iGoogle homepage and check all the twitter's to see if there was any good news on Stellan.
I also did not leave my iGoogle homepage up (minimized, of course) on my work computer and clicked "refresh" untold times throughout the day to get updated on precious Stellan. And i did not spend valuable work time sending up little prayers for him. Jesus, please forgive me!
I have not stared at those cute little dimples, then at the picture of Stellan in the hospital and prayed hard that Jesus would hurry up and heal him so we can see those dimples in some new pics.
I have not thought of this precious little boy more in the past week than i think i have ever thought about anyone i dont really know personally. I have also not prayed for his momma like she is my very best friend (i secretly wish she was).
And i did not think "Atta-girl!" when she wrote that she was pissed!
Hang in there MckMomma and baby Stellan. Hold fast to the Lord, MckFamily. Im praying for all of you, and i know Jesus is holding you all tight!
Lin
I also did not leave my iGoogle homepage up (minimized, of course) on my work computer and clicked "refresh" untold times throughout the day to get updated on precious Stellan. And i did not spend valuable work time sending up little prayers for him. Jesus, please forgive me!
I have not stared at those cute little dimples, then at the picture of Stellan in the hospital and prayed hard that Jesus would hurry up and heal him so we can see those dimples in some new pics.
I have not thought of this precious little boy more in the past week than i think i have ever thought about anyone i dont really know personally. I have also not prayed for his momma like she is my very best friend (i secretly wish she was).
And i did not think "Atta-girl!" when she wrote that she was pissed!
Hang in there MckMomma and baby Stellan. Hold fast to the Lord, MckFamily. Im praying for all of you, and i know Jesus is holding you all tight!
Lin
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I Just Miss You!
Not much else to say! I love you, i miss you, and i am leaving you in the sweet hands of the Lord so He can guide you. He is faithful and i know that He only has great plans for you. For now i have only my trust in Him and my prayers for you. That is enough.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Monday, January 19, 2009
I Think I Need Icy-Bear
I have mentioned before, maybe even in this blog, the day after you were born in the quiet moments of the very early morning as I sat in the quiet stillness staring into the eyes of the most beautiful little baby girl i had ever seen. I looked into your eyes and knew that there would never be anything on this earth that i would love more than you, and today i can testify that that is so very true. You have been the joy, the motivation, the laughter, the good times, the trials, the pride, the happiness and even the hurt of my life. Most of what i have written to you over the years has been about the wonderful things you are and have done. There have been trying times, but we have made it through only to come out on the other side stronger and better than we started. For that i thank God! And now once again i am turning to the God who created you, the One who blessed me with being your mom on this earth, and the One i trust completely with every bit of your life. You, dearest Jesus, are the only One who can really change the outcome of things in our lives.
My heart is so heavy these past few weeks. It is a fine line that i have to draw between letting you grow up and make your own decisions in life, and stepping up to the plate as your mom and speaking my mind. You probably dont see it, but i am trying so very hard to find the right balance of the two. Im not doing well. One side of me wants to lay down all these rules based on what i feel is appropriate and good for you, the other side of me says i have to let you find out for yourself. Its so very hard to be able to sit back, knowing and seeing that you are doing something that is not beneficial to yourself and your future, but you dont see it. It is hard to watch the very apparent changes in all parts of your life, personality, friendships, habits and activities, yet you dont see it. It is hard to know that this situation you are putting yourself in could be very detrimental or even dangerous, but you dont see it. Hunnie, i know exactly what you are going through because i was there once or twice myself. Sadly, i had no one who really cared to try to pull me out of it before great damage was done. I, on the other hand, have no ability to pull you out of this before any damage is done and that hurts me so much i cant even tell you.
I dont know what to do, i dont know how to respond, i dont know how to act. All i can do is pray and trust the One who made you because i know He loves you even more than i, and i know He has great plans for you. I wish it were as easy as Icy-Bear making it all better. I know its not and im sure the rough ride is far from over. But im arming myself with the best and the most reliable thing i can. Oh dearest Jesus, i pray with all my heart that you will open her eyes so that she will be able to see, and that you will give me all the grace, patience and love.
My precious baby girl, i still look into your eyes every day and know that i will never love anyone else more than you.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
My heart is so heavy these past few weeks. It is a fine line that i have to draw between letting you grow up and make your own decisions in life, and stepping up to the plate as your mom and speaking my mind. You probably dont see it, but i am trying so very hard to find the right balance of the two. Im not doing well. One side of me wants to lay down all these rules based on what i feel is appropriate and good for you, the other side of me says i have to let you find out for yourself. Its so very hard to be able to sit back, knowing and seeing that you are doing something that is not beneficial to yourself and your future, but you dont see it. It is hard to watch the very apparent changes in all parts of your life, personality, friendships, habits and activities, yet you dont see it. It is hard to know that this situation you are putting yourself in could be very detrimental or even dangerous, but you dont see it. Hunnie, i know exactly what you are going through because i was there once or twice myself. Sadly, i had no one who really cared to try to pull me out of it before great damage was done. I, on the other hand, have no ability to pull you out of this before any damage is done and that hurts me so much i cant even tell you.
I dont know what to do, i dont know how to respond, i dont know how to act. All i can do is pray and trust the One who made you because i know He loves you even more than i, and i know He has great plans for you. I wish it were as easy as Icy-Bear making it all better. I know its not and im sure the rough ride is far from over. But im arming myself with the best and the most reliable thing i can. Oh dearest Jesus, i pray with all my heart that you will open her eyes so that she will be able to see, and that you will give me all the grace, patience and love.
My precious baby girl, i still look into your eyes every day and know that i will never love anyone else more than you.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
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