Not much else to say! I love you, i miss you, and i am leaving you in the sweet hands of the Lord so He can guide you. He is faithful and i know that He only has great plans for you. For now i have only my trust in Him and my prayers for you. That is enough.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
I Think I Need Icy-Bear
I have mentioned before, maybe even in this blog, the day after you were born in the quiet moments of the very early morning as I sat in the quiet stillness staring into the eyes of the most beautiful little baby girl i had ever seen. I looked into your eyes and knew that there would never be anything on this earth that i would love more than you, and today i can testify that that is so very true. You have been the joy, the motivation, the laughter, the good times, the trials, the pride, the happiness and even the hurt of my life. Most of what i have written to you over the years has been about the wonderful things you are and have done. There have been trying times, but we have made it through only to come out on the other side stronger and better than we started. For that i thank God! And now once again i am turning to the God who created you, the One who blessed me with being your mom on this earth, and the One i trust completely with every bit of your life. You, dearest Jesus, are the only One who can really change the outcome of things in our lives.
My heart is so heavy these past few weeks. It is a fine line that i have to draw between letting you grow up and make your own decisions in life, and stepping up to the plate as your mom and speaking my mind. You probably dont see it, but i am trying so very hard to find the right balance of the two. Im not doing well. One side of me wants to lay down all these rules based on what i feel is appropriate and good for you, the other side of me says i have to let you find out for yourself. Its so very hard to be able to sit back, knowing and seeing that you are doing something that is not beneficial to yourself and your future, but you dont see it. It is hard to watch the very apparent changes in all parts of your life, personality, friendships, habits and activities, yet you dont see it. It is hard to know that this situation you are putting yourself in could be very detrimental or even dangerous, but you dont see it. Hunnie, i know exactly what you are going through because i was there once or twice myself. Sadly, i had no one who really cared to try to pull me out of it before great damage was done. I, on the other hand, have no ability to pull you out of this before any damage is done and that hurts me so much i cant even tell you.
I dont know what to do, i dont know how to respond, i dont know how to act. All i can do is pray and trust the One who made you because i know He loves you even more than i, and i know He has great plans for you. I wish it were as easy as Icy-Bear making it all better. I know its not and im sure the rough ride is far from over. But im arming myself with the best and the most reliable thing i can. Oh dearest Jesus, i pray with all my heart that you will open her eyes so that she will be able to see, and that you will give me all the grace, patience and love.
My precious baby girl, i still look into your eyes every day and know that i will never love anyone else more than you.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
My heart is so heavy these past few weeks. It is a fine line that i have to draw between letting you grow up and make your own decisions in life, and stepping up to the plate as your mom and speaking my mind. You probably dont see it, but i am trying so very hard to find the right balance of the two. Im not doing well. One side of me wants to lay down all these rules based on what i feel is appropriate and good for you, the other side of me says i have to let you find out for yourself. Its so very hard to be able to sit back, knowing and seeing that you are doing something that is not beneficial to yourself and your future, but you dont see it. It is hard to watch the very apparent changes in all parts of your life, personality, friendships, habits and activities, yet you dont see it. It is hard to know that this situation you are putting yourself in could be very detrimental or even dangerous, but you dont see it. Hunnie, i know exactly what you are going through because i was there once or twice myself. Sadly, i had no one who really cared to try to pull me out of it before great damage was done. I, on the other hand, have no ability to pull you out of this before any damage is done and that hurts me so much i cant even tell you.
I dont know what to do, i dont know how to respond, i dont know how to act. All i can do is pray and trust the One who made you because i know He loves you even more than i, and i know He has great plans for you. I wish it were as easy as Icy-Bear making it all better. I know its not and im sure the rough ride is far from over. But im arming myself with the best and the most reliable thing i can. Oh dearest Jesus, i pray with all my heart that you will open her eyes so that she will be able to see, and that you will give me all the grace, patience and love.
My precious baby girl, i still look into your eyes every day and know that i will never love anyone else more than you.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
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