Milestones

I have been consumed for the past couple days with so many thoughts, but the one I am obscessed with is this – I have just completed living 50 years! That’s kinda scary in some respects. But in other respects it’s a great milestone that has made me realize I have now entered the portion of my life that will lead me to my final destiny – the days are limited – and I want to live every one of them to the fullest.

I have said this to both of you – every morning when I open my eyes i just hope that the day will be one filled with joy, laughter, and love. I pray that my family (who for the most part is both of you) will share in my day, and more than anything I pray that the two of you will find some way to mend the wounds in your relationship with each other. You see, I love you both and you are tearing my heart out daily. I feel like im being forced to take sides, not one side or the other but both sides. Yet, there is really not any side for me to take. I feel like no matter what I say to either of you someone gets mad at me. I feel like I have to keep defending myself, and yet I haven’t done anything I need to defend. Im just trying to love both of you. Im trying to take both of your sides, and neither of your sides. Im trying not to hurt or offend anyone.

In all of this there is something I keep thinking and its pretty simple. . . Life is just too short, and I don’t have endless days left. I can go through these days and hold grudges against people, I can hold bitterness in my heart. Where does that get me? Does it make my life better? Or does it just leave me imprisioned within myself – filled with discontent, anger, anxiety and discord? What is all that worth?

Here is something I read today:
"Romans 15:2 'Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.'
Being depressed and dissatisfied with life can be caused by a myriad of things. But for many of us, these are symptoms that we have focused too much on ourselves and are angry with life. We have forgotten to count our blessings, thank and praise God, and help those around us. This verse addresses the last in this list: thinking of others is just what Christ did. It makes a difference in the life we bless and we also find ourselves immensely blessed."

God didn’t put us here on this earth and give us His permission to hate or judge anyone. He has made it very clear that we are to Love, and that only He can judge. We don’t have that right – lest we be judged just as harshly. I don’t know about you guys, but im just a little bit afraid of blatently disobeying God. Think about it - we judge people without even a thought. We judge those we see on street corners, those that arent doing such a good job driving, those in front of us in line at the store, our co-workers (big time), our neighbors, our teachers, the mom at the park with 5 dirty kids running wild, the old guy who collects scrap metal from everyone's garbage, the big, strange kid we see walking down the road every day, the woman walking her scruffy dog that pee's on our lawn (oops, i think our puppy does that every time he goes for a walk). We even judge our husband, wife, kids, parents, sisters and brothers . . .we judge everyone. Sadly, all these people we are judging are loved intensly by God. They are all His children and He thinks they are all great people. What right do we have?

I have made a decision to make some changes. Some i am not telling you about, some i have shared. I am getting alot of negativism and critiscism for doing what i believe is right. That cannot stop me. God has never stopped loving me during the times in my life when i was an ugly person. He loved me despite it all. The fact that Jesus walked this earth, set a perfect example for me to follow, and then gave His life for me on a cross is all the motivation and conviction i need to do what i feel is right. I love you guys both so much. I want a perfect life for all of us, but you know what? Its not perfect, it never will be. But i will not waste the days i have left on a life that isnt filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness . . .

All my love to you both,
Lin (Mom)
xoxoxo

Love this song by Point of Grace - if i could only figure out how to download it.
Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want, But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

Turn up the music, Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it. Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live

So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children,
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth' Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it, Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself'
Cause in the end there's nobody else

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live!