Today i will begin a new challenge called The Third Option. As the brochure says "There is her way, there is his way, or there is the Third Option". I think that's what i (we) need. I struggle.....we married each other to fulfill what God has given us as a gift. Its not ok with me to just go on day by day living some facade of a relationship because we have gone through a legalistic or spiritual ritual that says "so you are married". Marriage is not a legal or religious status. Marriage is one-ness.....one-ness despite differences, despite struggles, despite emotions, despite joy, despite anything that drops into our path at any time. Marriage is a connected-ness even when there is divide. Marriage is a complete lack of yourself and a total devotion and sacrifice to your spouse.
So today i begin the search for the ways to accomplish this. Today i give up myself. Today i open my arms to Jesus and let go of every ounce of my perceived dignity to do what i feel God has asked of me. I wanted, prayed and hoped that i would not be doing this alone. The embarrassment, the loneliness, the feeling of being inadequate....all will be painfully real. Jesus i truly TRUST You at your word, that this will be something that will change me. Not even just for my marriage, but for my relationships, my business, and more than ever for You - that i would be better equipped to do your work that You have in mind for me here on this earth.
My heart wanted to sit down and write out all the pain, all the thoughts of unfairness, all the struggles i have in my mind.....but if i do that then i really am not beginning this journey well. So Jesus, i will do my very best to put all those things aside and keep my eyes on You. Please hold my hand and get me through this well, restore any hope of dignity i have, and mold me into someone new for You. Im pretty positive my marriage will be better for it.
5/16/2022
Update:
Sadly, i never finished this. So sad, but here i am 7 years later and nothing has changed. Heartbreak - but there just wont be a beautiful relationship, a God-centered relationship. Only tolerance of each other.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Monday, September 22, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Colton John Smith - Grandma Lin is Awaiting You
It is a beautiful Sunday morning and im enjoying the complete peace of my home at this moment. The sun is low and bright in the sky, the birds are singing lightly, and everyone else is sleeping soundly which means I can grab a few moments to write. Thank you God, for this time and for the beauty you have afforded me on this earth. Help me to love it enough and never take it for granted.
Colton will be here in a mere two months! I am beyond excited and absolutely love watching my little girl growing bigger and bigger as baby is growing in her. She is beautiful and is doing so well. This is where I can finally see some of me in her - the way she carries on and does all that is needed. Physically strong and emotionally enduring. There is so much on her plate right now and she just takes it to task and gets it done. Not to say that every day is a breeze because its not. Owning a business, buying a house and having a baby all at once is huge.......oh, did I mention they bought a house????
So lets get to that! A few months back Walt had a problem with a tooth so he went to the dentist. While in the chair our old neighbor from Richfield Dr. comes in to chat and says "So I see (Uncle) Chuck has finally put the house up for sale." What???? When???? Walt could not wait to jump out of that chair and find out what was going on. He texted Randi as fast as he could, knowing that she always said she wanted to buy that house - the one she grew up during her high school days, the house we lived in and loved, the house Grandma O owned. Well, long story short, Uncle Chuck finally decided that it was time to let it go, but didn't realize that Randi would want it so he never told us. Randi and Ben just closed on it Thursday and are now in the very long process of getting it ready to live in. It will be a huge project. Previous tenants destroyed it so right now the bathroom and kitchen have been gutted, the rugs torn up, and huge exterminating done. Plumber coming tomorrow, Walt and Ben will begin the task of drywalling soon, carpets will have to be ordered and laid and hopefully they will move in around June 30 - HOPEFULLY. If not, I will get to enjoy them here at our home for a few weeks until its ready.
So much for retirement!!!! These two kids keep me on my toes and cut me no breaks....but I love it!
My retirement? Glad you asked. Wow - it has been so much different than I every expected. God has blessed me hugely with so much business that I could probably work 7 days and nights a week. Im trying to cut back, but its really hard. No complaints. I am truly enjoying this new business, the new people I meet daily, and working with my daughter. Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to finally have a job I enjoy and the income to sustain us.
As it would go, Walt went out of town to work in NYC a couple weeks ago, so of course, disaster has to strike. I went to bed on Wednesday evening at about 11:30. Just got settled in with Tobie and Tinker and I hear a loud pop, then sparks start flying from my ceiling fan. I hear buzzing, popping and sizzling all around me, then downstairs, then in the room next door. I was terrified. Tobie ran under the bed, Tinks jumped in my arms. I grabbed my phone, tried to find some clothing (because of course, it was very warm that evening and I had a skimpy nighty on), screaming for Tobie the whole time, finally got a sweatshirt on (no pants), started for the stairs and Tobie ran out and jumped up on me, down the stairs only to see smoke and flickering light from the dining room. Got my purse and keys, trying to dial 911 - shaking so badly I cant. Got outside and shoved the dogs into the car, called 911, called Randi and Ben (asked her to bring me some sweatpants LOL), called Walt in NYC screaming "you have to come home, the house is on fire". Apparently our house took a huge power surge and some incompetent electrician didn't put a ground on our electrical box. The fire department thought it in my best interest to turn off all the power and threaten that they were advising the town inspector of this and I was not to turn on any power until and electrician checked things out. Ok, great - except it had been raining endlessly for days and there were flood waters all around so the sump pump was working on backup which couldn't keep up so our basement flooded as well. Did I mention - what a mess!!!! Thinsg that you never believe could, float. Lego's make their way to every corner of the basement and I still keep finding them. It was a long process of clean up with six very large fans and a dehumidifier running constantly for 3 days and nights (so quiet and peaceful when they finally came and shut them off). New electric panel with a ground, new appliances, much clean up and re-organization......thankfully we have good insurance because we have to replace TVs, stereos, speakers, computers, surge strips, light bulbs, washer, dryer, dehumidifier, etc, etc. Probably in the ball park of $10,000 damages. But the good new is Walt got to come home for my birthday. LOL. This was huge, but in comparison to what so many have had to deal with in other places in this country, this was nothing. Im very grateful that it wasn't worse, the house didn't burn down, and we are all still here to talk about it. Oh, the smoke in the dining room was one of my favorite aroma touch lamps that was overheating in the cord and flickering.
So now we look forward to a baby shower on June 22 and a move on June 30 or there about. Our lives are so blessed - never want to take that for granted because it all can change. Im so looking forward to holding my precious little grandbaby and sharing the moments of birth with my daughter. I am a proud momma, soon to be a proud grandma! Lord, you have given me so much to be grateful for. May I never, ever take it for granted. You are so awesome and amazing. My life is so much more than it would every had been if you hadn't called me out and made sure I followed. Until next post - blessings and love to you.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Love Life's Changes-New Journeys
Life is always full of new paths and journeys into the unknown. I can definitely say that this is very true in my life. It, of course, has been way too long since I have written so why wouldn't life be moving in many different directions? God has BLESSED my life and it is full of such richness. I need to take more time to just soak it all in and lift my hands up high to Him in grateful thanksgiving.
Where to start? I think I left off with a wonderful wedding. Things moved on quite peacefully and normally. Ben and Randi moved into an apartment in Lockport which was very near to my work so I could just shoot over on my lunch break and visit or borrow their space to enjoy some quiet time away from the Health Dept. Randi worked very hard at Salon Beautique and built herself a wonderful clientele. Ben, in a deep search for what he wanted to do, tried a few different jobs, contemplated more education, and finally landed a job at a car dealership that he seems to enjoy and they seem to treat him well.
Sadly, we lost our lovely, wonderful Aunt Annie. What a trouper she was throughout all her struggles to beat her failing lungs. In the end, she and Chuck knew it was time for her to go home to her Lord and we all know that she is finally in the place she belongs and we will share with her once again. We love you so much Aunt Annie. Uncle Chuck has done quite well this year, although he is very lonely. We just found out this week that Chuckie, Shelley and the kids are going to move into his home with him. That is wonderful news and we are excited for all of them (but where will we sleep when we come to visit???).
About a year ago Randi, Ben and I were at dinner and we were having a discussion about issues Randi was having at the salon. The new owner was not a very class-act and some of the girls she was bringing on board were not too classy either. Randi really works so hard to have a good work ethic and to bring a high quality of hair care to her clients so this was really bothering her. Along with that, one of her clients showed up, but she had an appointment with another stylist. Apparently she had called the salon and Randi wasn't working so the new owner scheduled this client with another stylist rather than giving her Randi's number. The client didn't know. We talked and Randi decided to begin a search for a new salon to work at - sooooo, Monday she started searching on Craigslist for salons that were hiring. Well, onto a new journey - she found a salon in the village of Williamsville up for sale! Price - unbelievable! Call to mom (do you think its a scam?). Mom does research, calls number, talks to owner, they are moving out of town and need to sell quickly. So, in April of 2013 Randi is now the proud owner of Shear Passion Hair Salon, which opened on May 1, 2013!!!! And let me tell you, this girl can rock! She managed to keep all of her clients, they love the new salon, and she is doing great!
So now mom is sitting at her very boring job at the Health Dept. wondering how much more of this she can honestly stand. Then she hears that you can retire from the county with less than 20 years at age 55 and still get a pension. Wheels are now turning, but the new salon is way too small to take on what I had thought I wanted to do - be an esthetician. So Randi suggest learning nails. Mom researches again and finds a class at Erie Boces that is full time and starts June 1 so I could be working by September. Perfect!!!! but not in God's plans. I was completely blown away when I called in early May to set up my interview and they advised me that the class was being cancelled. I called Randi and in her wisdom she said "mom, don't get so disappointed. God will take care of it and everything will work out." She is full of way more wisdom and trust than I find myself to be. So on to find a plan B. Called all over and could only find a part time (19 week) class at Salon Professional Academy that started July 29 and ended December 5. Ugh - how would I do that? Couldn't even imagine working full time and going to school for four months can ever possibly work....but with much encouragement and reassurance from my hubby and daughter I took the steps to take this new journey and see what is up the road ahead. And im so glad I did. Loved going to school, hated going to work. Graduated and started working at the salon on December 18, 2013! It was a crazy, busy December and so far so good. I am pretty busy - much mores so than I had dreamed. Im working out all the kinks and figure, just about the time I ready to really retire I will have this all down to a science.
Life is a journey and im so glad that God has allowed me these neat twists and turns along the way
Now here is the really BIG, really EXCITING news! Im going to be a grandma! I have a beautiful baby boy coming in the beginning of August. Well, at least at this point we are pretty sure he is a "he". The little bugger keeps his legs crossed in all the sonograms so they don't really have a good, official picture yet. His name will be Colton James (CJ) and he will be grandma's pride and joy. I am beyond excited. Randi told me on Christmas eve and said she was really surprised I hadn't noticed how sick she was at work all of December. Well girl, you move so fast and manage so many clients in a day that no one would have noticed a darn thing. You will be 24 years old in a few days and I am so proud to see the woman you have grown into and am so looking forward to watching the momma you will become. What a very blessed gift that God gave you and Ben, and that He has blessed my life with.
Right now it is mid-winter, very cold, and I have a serious case of cabin fever. Just a bit over all this snow that is falling, but so glad that the Lord has seen fit to give me a nice, warm home and two furry, cuddly pups to sit next to me and keep me company. Today is a day that is a gift and I praise and thank you Lord for blessing me with it. Till next time.....
Where to start? I think I left off with a wonderful wedding. Things moved on quite peacefully and normally. Ben and Randi moved into an apartment in Lockport which was very near to my work so I could just shoot over on my lunch break and visit or borrow their space to enjoy some quiet time away from the Health Dept. Randi worked very hard at Salon Beautique and built herself a wonderful clientele. Ben, in a deep search for what he wanted to do, tried a few different jobs, contemplated more education, and finally landed a job at a car dealership that he seems to enjoy and they seem to treat him well.
Sadly, we lost our lovely, wonderful Aunt Annie. What a trouper she was throughout all her struggles to beat her failing lungs. In the end, she and Chuck knew it was time for her to go home to her Lord and we all know that she is finally in the place she belongs and we will share with her once again. We love you so much Aunt Annie. Uncle Chuck has done quite well this year, although he is very lonely. We just found out this week that Chuckie, Shelley and the kids are going to move into his home with him. That is wonderful news and we are excited for all of them (but where will we sleep when we come to visit???).
About a year ago Randi, Ben and I were at dinner and we were having a discussion about issues Randi was having at the salon. The new owner was not a very class-act and some of the girls she was bringing on board were not too classy either. Randi really works so hard to have a good work ethic and to bring a high quality of hair care to her clients so this was really bothering her. Along with that, one of her clients showed up, but she had an appointment with another stylist. Apparently she had called the salon and Randi wasn't working so the new owner scheduled this client with another stylist rather than giving her Randi's number. The client didn't know. We talked and Randi decided to begin a search for a new salon to work at - sooooo, Monday she started searching on Craigslist for salons that were hiring. Well, onto a new journey - she found a salon in the village of Williamsville up for sale! Price - unbelievable! Call to mom (do you think its a scam?). Mom does research, calls number, talks to owner, they are moving out of town and need to sell quickly. So, in April of 2013 Randi is now the proud owner of Shear Passion Hair Salon, which opened on May 1, 2013!!!! And let me tell you, this girl can rock! She managed to keep all of her clients, they love the new salon, and she is doing great!
So now mom is sitting at her very boring job at the Health Dept. wondering how much more of this she can honestly stand. Then she hears that you can retire from the county with less than 20 years at age 55 and still get a pension. Wheels are now turning, but the new salon is way too small to take on what I had thought I wanted to do - be an esthetician. So Randi suggest learning nails. Mom researches again and finds a class at Erie Boces that is full time and starts June 1 so I could be working by September. Perfect!!!! but not in God's plans. I was completely blown away when I called in early May to set up my interview and they advised me that the class was being cancelled. I called Randi and in her wisdom she said "mom, don't get so disappointed. God will take care of it and everything will work out." She is full of way more wisdom and trust than I find myself to be. So on to find a plan B. Called all over and could only find a part time (19 week) class at Salon Professional Academy that started July 29 and ended December 5. Ugh - how would I do that? Couldn't even imagine working full time and going to school for four months can ever possibly work....but with much encouragement and reassurance from my hubby and daughter I took the steps to take this new journey and see what is up the road ahead. And im so glad I did. Loved going to school, hated going to work. Graduated and started working at the salon on December 18, 2013! It was a crazy, busy December and so far so good. I am pretty busy - much mores so than I had dreamed. Im working out all the kinks and figure, just about the time I ready to really retire I will have this all down to a science.
Life is a journey and im so glad that God has allowed me these neat twists and turns along the way
Now here is the really BIG, really EXCITING news! Im going to be a grandma! I have a beautiful baby boy coming in the beginning of August. Well, at least at this point we are pretty sure he is a "he". The little bugger keeps his legs crossed in all the sonograms so they don't really have a good, official picture yet. His name will be Colton James (CJ) and he will be grandma's pride and joy. I am beyond excited. Randi told me on Christmas eve and said she was really surprised I hadn't noticed how sick she was at work all of December. Well girl, you move so fast and manage so many clients in a day that no one would have noticed a darn thing. You will be 24 years old in a few days and I am so proud to see the woman you have grown into and am so looking forward to watching the momma you will become. What a very blessed gift that God gave you and Ben, and that He has blessed my life with.
Right now it is mid-winter, very cold, and I have a serious case of cabin fever. Just a bit over all this snow that is falling, but so glad that the Lord has seen fit to give me a nice, warm home and two furry, cuddly pups to sit next to me and keep me company. Today is a day that is a gift and I praise and thank you Lord for blessing me with it. Till next time.....
Sunday, August 12, 2012
On Your Wedding Day...
A LOT HAPPENS IN A YEAR AND A HALF! . . .Good Things!
(Written June 13, 2012)
Obviously, blogging isn’t my thing! A year and a half since I last wrote . . . (sigh) I should try harder. So here we are a year and a half older, a year and a half of so much “stuff” – some great, some good, some only so-so, and maybe a little bit of bad. But we are here and we venture onward, and we grow each and every step of the journey.
In only 7 weeks my precious baby girl will become a wife. August 4, 2012 at 2pm. my little girl begins a new journey with the love of her life, Ben. I am looking forward to this new road and am so happy to share in it with her. That’s not to say that during the last year there haven’t been moments of doubt, but I did what I learned is best – I prayed! I put it in the loving hands of Jesus and told him that I was fully comfortable with letting him take care of things. I really believe he has and im looking forward to watching these two precious young adults grow as husband and wife, and grow in their walk with the Lord – wherever he takes them on this new journey in life. I pray that our Precious Jesus will watch over and protect them, bless them with health, children, success in their occupations, and much joy over many, many years.
I am so proud to be walking my precious RandiLyn down the aisle. I will hold tightly to her hand – not wanting to let go – but knowing that I have to. My comfort is that she knows how much I love her and will always stand by her . My hand will always be there for her to reach out and hold – any time she wants to or needs to. She is my pride and joy, an amazing gift from God, and I am so proud of who she has grown up to be. God blessed me beyond measure the day she was born, and I look forward to all the blessings he has in store for her life.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
So Randi has been home now for a bit over a week and it has been so great! We are adjusting things in the house to accomodate all of us and getting to know each other again - not that we were ever strangers, but living in the same household is so much more intimate. There have been a few moments that have been tense as we all try to understand and work through things, but for the most part it has just been great! Im learning to prepare meals for 3 again and there are all kinds of different food items around. Seems that our schedules all work well together.
It was 1 year and 8 months that she left home and it was the worst and longest year and 8 months ever. What was learned and experienced during this time though, was probably the most valuable lesson i have ever learned and lived. In the beginning i tried everything i could think of to steer the ship in the direction i wanted it to go, and nothing would make it budge. My husbands support, patience and encouragement were the stepping stone to me connecting with the only one who could help - the only one who could control the situation. Only my God - the Gentle Shepard, my most loving Father, my help in time of need - My Lord, Jesus Christ could ever work this all out for His good and His Glory. I cried out to Him, i prayed to Him, i help tight to His hand, and when i finally gave in and completely trusted in Him to work through all this i found peace in my heart, and the avenues began to open up for Randi.
I began to sense some changes in Randi around the beginning of August. I couldnt really pinpoint anything specific, but i guess moms intuition just sensed something. Still i held tightly to Jesus, and let Him do his work. In early September Randi called me one day and asked me what the name of Jill Kelly's new book was. I mentioned to her that Jill was going to be speaking at church on Sunday for the women's groups big kickoff and that i had an extra ticket (when i went to pick up tickets i asked for 2, hoping that Randi would join me, but realizing she already had plans - but just in case). She told me that she would like to but confirmed that she had other plans. Then 10 minutes later she called me back and said she changed her mind and wanted to go (thank you God for answered prayer number one). The day of the event came and Randi met me shortly before i had to be there. I was working at a table and when i got there a young lady named Britney was also working at the table. She was representing a ministry called Refined. I started talking to her about it and she told me that it was a group of girls in their 20's that were too young to really enjoy the womens ministry group and didnt really feel "fed" by the college age ministry. Randi was away from us buying Jill Kelly's book and when she came back she and Britney began talking - for like a half hour. When we left to go into the church to hear Jill Kelly Randi told me that she was going to go to Refined and check it out. Then later in the week she made arrangements at work to get Tuesday nights off so she can go to Vintage (the college ministry). She didnt believe they would give her the day off, but God had different plans. And i love His plan!
Thank you God, for helping me to see that i needed to put this all in your hands and stop trying to steer the ship myself. I am confident that Randi is firmly in your hands and that you will lead her in the ways she should go. I know there will be difficult days, but i know you have it under control. I know the plans you have for my precious daughter are far better than any plan i could ever imagine for her.
It was 1 year and 8 months that she left home and it was the worst and longest year and 8 months ever. What was learned and experienced during this time though, was probably the most valuable lesson i have ever learned and lived. In the beginning i tried everything i could think of to steer the ship in the direction i wanted it to go, and nothing would make it budge. My husbands support, patience and encouragement were the stepping stone to me connecting with the only one who could help - the only one who could control the situation. Only my God - the Gentle Shepard, my most loving Father, my help in time of need - My Lord, Jesus Christ could ever work this all out for His good and His Glory. I cried out to Him, i prayed to Him, i help tight to His hand, and when i finally gave in and completely trusted in Him to work through all this i found peace in my heart, and the avenues began to open up for Randi.
I began to sense some changes in Randi around the beginning of August. I couldnt really pinpoint anything specific, but i guess moms intuition just sensed something. Still i held tightly to Jesus, and let Him do his work. In early September Randi called me one day and asked me what the name of Jill Kelly's new book was. I mentioned to her that Jill was going to be speaking at church on Sunday for the women's groups big kickoff and that i had an extra ticket (when i went to pick up tickets i asked for 2, hoping that Randi would join me, but realizing she already had plans - but just in case). She told me that she would like to but confirmed that she had other plans. Then 10 minutes later she called me back and said she changed her mind and wanted to go (thank you God for answered prayer number one). The day of the event came and Randi met me shortly before i had to be there. I was working at a table and when i got there a young lady named Britney was also working at the table. She was representing a ministry called Refined. I started talking to her about it and she told me that it was a group of girls in their 20's that were too young to really enjoy the womens ministry group and didnt really feel "fed" by the college age ministry. Randi was away from us buying Jill Kelly's book and when she came back she and Britney began talking - for like a half hour. When we left to go into the church to hear Jill Kelly Randi told me that she was going to go to Refined and check it out. Then later in the week she made arrangements at work to get Tuesday nights off so she can go to Vintage (the college ministry). She didnt believe they would give her the day off, but God had different plans. And i love His plan!
Thank you God, for helping me to see that i needed to put this all in your hands and stop trying to steer the ship myself. I am confident that Randi is firmly in your hands and that you will lead her in the ways she should go. I know there will be difficult days, but i know you have it under control. I know the plans you have for my precious daughter are far better than any plan i could ever imagine for her.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Song of Praise and Thanks
Today, October 3, 2010 my precious daughter returned home!
There is not enough i can say to attest to the faithfulness and love of our God - to the truth of His Word that He will answer our prayers, He does love all of us, and we need to wait on His perfect timing. There were days i questioned, days i was so frustrated i couldnt talk to my loving Father, days i had hope, and then days it was dashed. But i will tell you that through it all, if i hadnt had my heavenly Daddy to lean on i would never have survived a day.
I know that this road will have bumps and turns for you, Randi, and also for us, but i also know that you are seated right in the middle of Gods hands and He will lead you along the way. The journey will have many different views - some beautiful, some not so beautiful. There will be times when the Lord will make it so clear the direction you should take, and there will be days that are full of frustration. But He will be there, right in the middle of it all. He will lead the way and He will never, ever let you down, my precious daughter. So hold His hand, grow to love and depend on Him for everything. He will give you all the riches in this life that He can alone can give.
The most important thing to always remember is that God loves you (remember that from one of our favorite TV shows - Touched by an Angel). He has perfectly and wonderfully created you and has a plan for your life. Trust Him, follow Him, and love Him with all your heart and soul and you will see amazing things take place in your life.
Welcome home and enjoy the new path your life is moving on right now. Im here with you and am looking forward to the journey. I love you so much.
There is not enough i can say to attest to the faithfulness and love of our God - to the truth of His Word that He will answer our prayers, He does love all of us, and we need to wait on His perfect timing. There were days i questioned, days i was so frustrated i couldnt talk to my loving Father, days i had hope, and then days it was dashed. But i will tell you that through it all, if i hadnt had my heavenly Daddy to lean on i would never have survived a day.
I know that this road will have bumps and turns for you, Randi, and also for us, but i also know that you are seated right in the middle of Gods hands and He will lead you along the way. The journey will have many different views - some beautiful, some not so beautiful. There will be times when the Lord will make it so clear the direction you should take, and there will be days that are full of frustration. But He will be there, right in the middle of it all. He will lead the way and He will never, ever let you down, my precious daughter. So hold His hand, grow to love and depend on Him for everything. He will give you all the riches in this life that He can alone can give.
The most important thing to always remember is that God loves you (remember that from one of our favorite TV shows - Touched by an Angel). He has perfectly and wonderfully created you and has a plan for your life. Trust Him, follow Him, and love Him with all your heart and soul and you will see amazing things take place in your life.
Welcome home and enjoy the new path your life is moving on right now. Im here with you and am looking forward to the journey. I love you so much.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Maybe i get it . . . finally!
Answered questions, answered prayers . . . they seem to come at times least expected and they are sometimes so subtle that you could miss them if you breathe too fast. I wonder how many i have missed . . . makes me sad :(
I think i will try to pay attention from now on!
I think i will try to pay attention from now on!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Milestones
I have been consumed for the past couple days with so many thoughts, but the one I am obscessed with is this – I have just completed living 50 years! That’s kinda scary in some respects. But in other respects it’s a great milestone that has made me realize I have now entered the portion of my life that will lead me to my final destiny – the days are limited – and I want to live every one of them to the fullest.
I have said this to both of you – every morning when I open my eyes i just hope that the day will be one filled with joy, laughter, and love. I pray that my family (who for the most part is both of you) will share in my day, and more than anything I pray that the two of you will find some way to mend the wounds in your relationship with each other. You see, I love you both and you are tearing my heart out daily. I feel like im being forced to take sides, not one side or the other but both sides. Yet, there is really not any side for me to take. I feel like no matter what I say to either of you someone gets mad at me. I feel like I have to keep defending myself, and yet I haven’t done anything I need to defend. Im just trying to love both of you. Im trying to take both of your sides, and neither of your sides. Im trying not to hurt or offend anyone.
In all of this there is something I keep thinking and its pretty simple. . . Life is just too short, and I don’t have endless days left. I can go through these days and hold grudges against people, I can hold bitterness in my heart. Where does that get me? Does it make my life better? Or does it just leave me imprisioned within myself – filled with discontent, anger, anxiety and discord? What is all that worth?
Here is something I read today:
"Romans 15:2 'Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.'
Being depressed and dissatisfied with life can be caused by a myriad of things. But for many of us, these are symptoms that we have focused too much on ourselves and are angry with life. We have forgotten to count our blessings, thank and praise God, and help those around us. This verse addresses the last in this list: thinking of others is just what Christ did. It makes a difference in the life we bless and we also find ourselves immensely blessed."
God didn’t put us here on this earth and give us His permission to hate or judge anyone. He has made it very clear that we are to Love, and that only He can judge. We don’t have that right – lest we be judged just as harshly. I don’t know about you guys, but im just a little bit afraid of blatently disobeying God. Think about it - we judge people without even a thought. We judge those we see on street corners, those that arent doing such a good job driving, those in front of us in line at the store, our co-workers (big time), our neighbors, our teachers, the mom at the park with 5 dirty kids running wild, the old guy who collects scrap metal from everyone's garbage, the big, strange kid we see walking down the road every day, the woman walking her scruffy dog that pee's on our lawn (oops, i think our puppy does that every time he goes for a walk). We even judge our husband, wife, kids, parents, sisters and brothers . . .we judge everyone. Sadly, all these people we are judging are loved intensly by God. They are all His children and He thinks they are all great people. What right do we have?
I have made a decision to make some changes. Some i am not telling you about, some i have shared. I am getting alot of negativism and critiscism for doing what i believe is right. That cannot stop me. God has never stopped loving me during the times in my life when i was an ugly person. He loved me despite it all. The fact that Jesus walked this earth, set a perfect example for me to follow, and then gave His life for me on a cross is all the motivation and conviction i need to do what i feel is right. I love you guys both so much. I want a perfect life for all of us, but you know what? Its not perfect, it never will be. But i will not waste the days i have left on a life that isnt filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness . . .
All my love to you both,
Lin (Mom)
xoxoxo
Love this song by Point of Grace - if i could only figure out how to download it.
Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want, But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back
Turn up the music, Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it. Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live
So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children,
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth' Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it, Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself'
Cause in the end there's nobody else
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live!
I have said this to both of you – every morning when I open my eyes i just hope that the day will be one filled with joy, laughter, and love. I pray that my family (who for the most part is both of you) will share in my day, and more than anything I pray that the two of you will find some way to mend the wounds in your relationship with each other. You see, I love you both and you are tearing my heart out daily. I feel like im being forced to take sides, not one side or the other but both sides. Yet, there is really not any side for me to take. I feel like no matter what I say to either of you someone gets mad at me. I feel like I have to keep defending myself, and yet I haven’t done anything I need to defend. Im just trying to love both of you. Im trying to take both of your sides, and neither of your sides. Im trying not to hurt or offend anyone.
In all of this there is something I keep thinking and its pretty simple. . . Life is just too short, and I don’t have endless days left. I can go through these days and hold grudges against people, I can hold bitterness in my heart. Where does that get me? Does it make my life better? Or does it just leave me imprisioned within myself – filled with discontent, anger, anxiety and discord? What is all that worth?
Here is something I read today:
"Romans 15:2 'Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.'
Being depressed and dissatisfied with life can be caused by a myriad of things. But for many of us, these are symptoms that we have focused too much on ourselves and are angry with life. We have forgotten to count our blessings, thank and praise God, and help those around us. This verse addresses the last in this list: thinking of others is just what Christ did. It makes a difference in the life we bless and we also find ourselves immensely blessed."
God didn’t put us here on this earth and give us His permission to hate or judge anyone. He has made it very clear that we are to Love, and that only He can judge. We don’t have that right – lest we be judged just as harshly. I don’t know about you guys, but im just a little bit afraid of blatently disobeying God. Think about it - we judge people without even a thought. We judge those we see on street corners, those that arent doing such a good job driving, those in front of us in line at the store, our co-workers (big time), our neighbors, our teachers, the mom at the park with 5 dirty kids running wild, the old guy who collects scrap metal from everyone's garbage, the big, strange kid we see walking down the road every day, the woman walking her scruffy dog that pee's on our lawn (oops, i think our puppy does that every time he goes for a walk). We even judge our husband, wife, kids, parents, sisters and brothers . . .we judge everyone. Sadly, all these people we are judging are loved intensly by God. They are all His children and He thinks they are all great people. What right do we have?
I have made a decision to make some changes. Some i am not telling you about, some i have shared. I am getting alot of negativism and critiscism for doing what i believe is right. That cannot stop me. God has never stopped loving me during the times in my life when i was an ugly person. He loved me despite it all. The fact that Jesus walked this earth, set a perfect example for me to follow, and then gave His life for me on a cross is all the motivation and conviction i need to do what i feel is right. I love you guys both so much. I want a perfect life for all of us, but you know what? Its not perfect, it never will be. But i will not waste the days i have left on a life that isnt filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness . . .
All my love to you both,
Lin (Mom)
xoxoxo
Love this song by Point of Grace - if i could only figure out how to download it.
Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want, But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back
Turn up the music, Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it. Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live
So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children,
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth' Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances, Let it all out
You won't regret it, Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself'
Cause in the end there's nobody else
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew, And it's not what you did
It's how you live!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Not Me Monday - Stellan Style!
I did not get up every morning at 5:30am and go to my computer, put up my iGoogle homepage and check all the twitter's to see if there was any good news on Stellan.
I also did not leave my iGoogle homepage up (minimized, of course) on my work computer and clicked "refresh" untold times throughout the day to get updated on precious Stellan. And i did not spend valuable work time sending up little prayers for him. Jesus, please forgive me!
I have not stared at those cute little dimples, then at the picture of Stellan in the hospital and prayed hard that Jesus would hurry up and heal him so we can see those dimples in some new pics.
I have not thought of this precious little boy more in the past week than i think i have ever thought about anyone i dont really know personally. I have also not prayed for his momma like she is my very best friend (i secretly wish she was).
And i did not think "Atta-girl!" when she wrote that she was pissed!
Hang in there MckMomma and baby Stellan. Hold fast to the Lord, MckFamily. Im praying for all of you, and i know Jesus is holding you all tight!
Lin
I also did not leave my iGoogle homepage up (minimized, of course) on my work computer and clicked "refresh" untold times throughout the day to get updated on precious Stellan. And i did not spend valuable work time sending up little prayers for him. Jesus, please forgive me!
I have not stared at those cute little dimples, then at the picture of Stellan in the hospital and prayed hard that Jesus would hurry up and heal him so we can see those dimples in some new pics.
I have not thought of this precious little boy more in the past week than i think i have ever thought about anyone i dont really know personally. I have also not prayed for his momma like she is my very best friend (i secretly wish she was).
And i did not think "Atta-girl!" when she wrote that she was pissed!
Hang in there MckMomma and baby Stellan. Hold fast to the Lord, MckFamily. Im praying for all of you, and i know Jesus is holding you all tight!
Lin
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I Just Miss You!
Not much else to say! I love you, i miss you, and i am leaving you in the sweet hands of the Lord so He can guide you. He is faithful and i know that He only has great plans for you. For now i have only my trust in Him and my prayers for you. That is enough.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Monday, January 19, 2009
I Think I Need Icy-Bear
I have mentioned before, maybe even in this blog, the day after you were born in the quiet moments of the very early morning as I sat in the quiet stillness staring into the eyes of the most beautiful little baby girl i had ever seen. I looked into your eyes and knew that there would never be anything on this earth that i would love more than you, and today i can testify that that is so very true. You have been the joy, the motivation, the laughter, the good times, the trials, the pride, the happiness and even the hurt of my life. Most of what i have written to you over the years has been about the wonderful things you are and have done. There have been trying times, but we have made it through only to come out on the other side stronger and better than we started. For that i thank God! And now once again i am turning to the God who created you, the One who blessed me with being your mom on this earth, and the One i trust completely with every bit of your life. You, dearest Jesus, are the only One who can really change the outcome of things in our lives.
My heart is so heavy these past few weeks. It is a fine line that i have to draw between letting you grow up and make your own decisions in life, and stepping up to the plate as your mom and speaking my mind. You probably dont see it, but i am trying so very hard to find the right balance of the two. Im not doing well. One side of me wants to lay down all these rules based on what i feel is appropriate and good for you, the other side of me says i have to let you find out for yourself. Its so very hard to be able to sit back, knowing and seeing that you are doing something that is not beneficial to yourself and your future, but you dont see it. It is hard to watch the very apparent changes in all parts of your life, personality, friendships, habits and activities, yet you dont see it. It is hard to know that this situation you are putting yourself in could be very detrimental or even dangerous, but you dont see it. Hunnie, i know exactly what you are going through because i was there once or twice myself. Sadly, i had no one who really cared to try to pull me out of it before great damage was done. I, on the other hand, have no ability to pull you out of this before any damage is done and that hurts me so much i cant even tell you.
I dont know what to do, i dont know how to respond, i dont know how to act. All i can do is pray and trust the One who made you because i know He loves you even more than i, and i know He has great plans for you. I wish it were as easy as Icy-Bear making it all better. I know its not and im sure the rough ride is far from over. But im arming myself with the best and the most reliable thing i can. Oh dearest Jesus, i pray with all my heart that you will open her eyes so that she will be able to see, and that you will give me all the grace, patience and love.
My precious baby girl, i still look into your eyes every day and know that i will never love anyone else more than you.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
My heart is so heavy these past few weeks. It is a fine line that i have to draw between letting you grow up and make your own decisions in life, and stepping up to the plate as your mom and speaking my mind. You probably dont see it, but i am trying so very hard to find the right balance of the two. Im not doing well. One side of me wants to lay down all these rules based on what i feel is appropriate and good for you, the other side of me says i have to let you find out for yourself. Its so very hard to be able to sit back, knowing and seeing that you are doing something that is not beneficial to yourself and your future, but you dont see it. It is hard to watch the very apparent changes in all parts of your life, personality, friendships, habits and activities, yet you dont see it. It is hard to know that this situation you are putting yourself in could be very detrimental or even dangerous, but you dont see it. Hunnie, i know exactly what you are going through because i was there once or twice myself. Sadly, i had no one who really cared to try to pull me out of it before great damage was done. I, on the other hand, have no ability to pull you out of this before any damage is done and that hurts me so much i cant even tell you.
I dont know what to do, i dont know how to respond, i dont know how to act. All i can do is pray and trust the One who made you because i know He loves you even more than i, and i know He has great plans for you. I wish it were as easy as Icy-Bear making it all better. I know its not and im sure the rough ride is far from over. But im arming myself with the best and the most reliable thing i can. Oh dearest Jesus, i pray with all my heart that you will open her eyes so that she will be able to see, and that you will give me all the grace, patience and love.
My precious baby girl, i still look into your eyes every day and know that i will never love anyone else more than you.
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Monday, November 10, 2008
I Can Leave the Light On For You, But I Cant Stay Up and Wait
Thats the new rule. . . and im doing my very best to not break the rule, but its really hard. I try to bite my tongue ever time you leave the house and not ask where you are going and when you expect to be home. I try not to worry about you when you are gone, and i try really, really hard not to text you when i just get a little nervous and want to make sure you are ok. Im doing ok with it, not perfect, but ok. Just look at it this way - at least i dont make you call or text me every time you drive out onto Main St. Thats huge! I have come so far - LOL.
Ok, so i frustrate you just a bit, and i ask a question or two too many sometimes, but i take great solace in knowing that one day you will have to deal with this very same thing yourself. You will chuckle to yourself and remember me. I leave you with this thought - when i was your age my mom used to tell me that she hoped i would have a daughter someday that was just like me. Thank God, i was blessed with a daughter like you instead. I pray that you will have a daughter one day just like you. You are wonderful, and i hope you can forgive me for not being able to let you go without even blinking. Just know that i really do love you.
Ok, so i frustrate you just a bit, and i ask a question or two too many sometimes, but i take great solace in knowing that one day you will have to deal with this very same thing yourself. You will chuckle to yourself and remember me. I leave you with this thought - when i was your age my mom used to tell me that she hoped i would have a daughter someday that was just like me. Thank God, i was blessed with a daughter like you instead. I pray that you will have a daughter one day just like you. You are wonderful, and i hope you can forgive me for not being able to let you go without even blinking. Just know that i really do love you.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Journals
Some people are very good at keeping journals. I don't happen to be one of them. Then again, i never really saw much reason to do so . . . after all, shouldn't we look to this day and the days ahead that we might be blessed with, rather than dwelling on the past?
I did, however, keep a journal for my daughter because i decided when she was a baby that there were so many great things she was doing and if i didn't write about them she would never have a chance to know about them. My goal was to write about every event, good and bad, that happened to her and then to give the journal to her when she was grown. I even told her about it and she has asked so many times when i was planning on handing it over. As expected, she is now a grown young woman, and a wonderfully vibrant one at that. I have contemplated the ceremonial "handing over" of the journal for many months now, along with all the details of just how to present it in a way as to make it special.
In preparation for the big day i decided to purchase a nice pink box because pink is her favorite color (how funny, i never did like pink as a girl but probably because my mom always tried to push pink for her only daughter and i preferred to be rebellious and love colors like the dark, dark blue i painted my bedroom. Much as mom hated it, its still the same color). Inside this very nice pink box i am placing the hand written portion of the journal, a disk with the portion i decided to put on the computer, and all the neat little knick-knacky things i saved over the years like her award in day care for finally pooping in the toilet, newspaper clippings with pictures of her for doing something great, concert programs (yep! all 1000 of them), dance programs, 4-H awards, firefighter letters, graduation info, etc. I will finish it off with a handwritten note telling her all about the journal and giving her the name of this blog so that as the years go on and i have something profound to share with her she can stop in here and read all about it.
Also during this preparation time i decided to read all of the journal entries i made. It was an amazing time of smiles, laughter and tears. It was also a time to realize how much we can forget - all those little things that at the moment were so very important, but somehow through the busy-ness of our lives we have forgotten them. Ah, maybe now i see a good reason for keeping a journal. I actually found several reasons. The other really important thing i found was that this journal not only holds some wonderful information for RandiLyn, it showed me some things about myself. I think the most important thing it showed me was a progression in my life taking place. One that has made me think a lot over the past few months about exactly what is important in my life, and how far off course i have wondered. Most profoundly i read a slow progression of a change in my faith-walk. Not a good one, not one of growing, but one of forgetting Who is in charge of my life, and What is important. In the early days it was easy to read and see my focus was so much about living a life that was pleasing to, and served our Lord. I looked to Him for direction and loved having a relationship with Him. As time went on i saw years of growth and dependence on Him, then i found that my writing gradually reflected less of Him, more of me. No doubt, there were many years that were desperately painful and loneliness and insecurity filled me. For awhile He was my only strength, but after awhile He dwindled into the background as i became more obsessed with myself. Reading this journal opened my eyes and it filled my spirit with a desire to find my way back. It has made me realize that these days are numbered and i haven't lived in a way that honors the One who made me, the One who loves me no matter what. And for that i am so grateful! I know i don't have it nearly all together but I'm taking the steps to get there. I want to be sold out to the Lord, i want to live my life in a way that shows others who He is, and i want them to want to know Him because they can see how He has changed my life. So now i have found reason number two for journaling.
There is one last reason that i have discovered why journaling really is a good thing. It can be our legacy. A couple years ago my step-mom let me read my grandfathers journal. To me, it was a treasure to be able to hold that little book in my hands and ponder over the pages of his life. To read about things that happened back then, like ailments that we now just go to our primary physician and they can usually fix, like simpler ways of living and the hardships it involved, but yet, it just seemed a normal part of their day, like attitudes about family and each persons importance - even down to cousins. Today most of us barely even keep in touch with our parents, non-the-less a cousin 10 years younger. But most important, my grandpa's journal told me all about him as a man - and a man that i think i would have respected and loved beyond belief. My grandpa died on Halloween day in 1958. How do i remember that? Well, he was taken home so early in life - 49 years old, from a heart attack. The day was Halloween - a holiday (and i say that lightly) that i despise because even as a child i found it annoying. He died when i was a mere 5 months old, and i know that only a few days before his death he was holding me on his lap in the car (no car seats required then) and he was singing me sweet songs about the
Lord. I know that i cant possibly have an actual memory of that day, or even of my grandpa in any way, but yet, i have always felt a warm, close feeling that i cant put in words when i think about him. Its as if i really do know him. His journal verified some of the things that i "felt" about him and told me so many things more. It was an amazing time for me to read all about this wonderful man that i someday hope to find when i walk through the gates of Heaven (that is, after i get to hang out with Jesus and marvel at being face to face with Him for a bit). I have a love for my Grandpa Marra that i cant explain and somehow i imagine, that if he were alive, he and i would have spent many glorious days together and enjoyed each others company. Gosh, i really miss him. (I think he is so handsome!)Well, i guess its time to get the journal ready to hand over now. I hope that it will be as enlightening to you (RandiLyn) as it was to me. I so enjoyed the time i spent reading it and i have so enjoyed being your mom and traveling down this road with you. I am enjoying the days now watching you carve out the path of your life and growing into a beautiful woman. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, hunnie. There is nothing more important and i am so proud of you for the way you have grown in your faith. You are a beautiful example to me.
Handing over our legacy with love,
Mom
XOXOXO
Friday, August 22, 2008
Choose Your Attitude!
Today at work a co-worker was talking to me about a question that is on our quarterly review. The question is "How do you think we could achieve a better atmosphere in the workplace?" Don't you just love all the philosophical $%#@?.) Her response was a good one - "Have everyone leave their attitudes at the door each morning when they enter". A couple of observations about that response:
1. It gives the impression that perhaps everyone that comes to work in this place has bad attitudes each morning. Why would you want to leave a good attitude at the door?
2. If everyone that does come to work each day has a bad attitude, why is that? Is it work related? Is it home related? or are the majority of people just miserable. (Maybe no one except me is a morning person. Sometimes around my house i really believe that).
3. Isn't it really more a matter of choosing the "right" attitude in all things you do?
Choosing the right attitude! Seems pretty basic and simple. Lets face it, we all pretty much know that if you are going into a meeting with the corporate officers, a smile is nice, but giggly small-talk certainly doesn't cut it as far as professionalism goes. That's not to say that a graven attitude and only cold stares at everyone there is going to get the job done either. But i think we are, for the most part, able to adjust our basic attitudes to the appropriate level in most situations. When we consider attitudes, however, that affect the world around us, it is the inner most part of our attitude that drives the way our world revolves. It is the choice of our "moods" that really make the difference. It is so easy to be "sucked" into the attitude of those around us - to become like them, to respond in like manner. If you are around people who have a strong, positive, light-hearted, kind, giving, loving attitude how can you help but have a few of those traits yourself. If you are around people who are always tired, ill, angry, or bored - then its almost a guarantee that you will find yourself acting in that same manner.
So here's my solution - and its profound . . . surround yourself with those who have an attitude you love! Yep, that's it! I told you it was simple - NOT! Unfortunately, we are not able to control others attitudes. We can help encourage them one way or another, but we are not in control of them. We can only be in control of ourselves. So the real solution must be to CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE, and then guard it with your life. Don't get sucked into the attitudes around you. Don't get sucked into the problems of life. Problems will happen and we have to deal with them, but do just that - deal with them, then move on. One of my favorite things to do when i used to work in restaurants was to find a person in an absolutely foul mood, and then do everything i could to make sure that person left with a smile on their face. Most times i could do it, but on the times i couldn't, I'm betting that they at least felt a bit better when they left than when they came in (thank God for good food - LOL). In doing good for others you do your own heart good.
Let me just say one more thing about doing good for others. Its wonderful and we should take as many opportunities as we can to lift up others. Whether its words or deeds it doesn't matter. Kindness is contagious . . . usually. Many of us "do-gooders" have a real tendency to spend so much of our energy doing for others that we don't "do" for ourselves. That causes stress and stress affects our attitude. Take time for yourself. Do good, kind things for yourself from time to time and learn to say "no". Sometimes you just need to and people will understand. You have "worth" and you are valued as a person. Sometimes you can get so caught up in "doing" for others that you begin to loose your own self worth. That's a dangerous place to be so take a break and spoil yourself from time to time.
My favorite quote on attitudes is from a guy who has about the best attitude i could ever want to emulate - John Maxwell. "Your attitude determines your altitude".
1. It gives the impression that perhaps everyone that comes to work in this place has bad attitudes each morning. Why would you want to leave a good attitude at the door?
2. If everyone that does come to work each day has a bad attitude, why is that? Is it work related? Is it home related? or are the majority of people just miserable. (Maybe no one except me is a morning person. Sometimes around my house i really believe that).
3. Isn't it really more a matter of choosing the "right" attitude in all things you do?
Choosing the right attitude! Seems pretty basic and simple. Lets face it, we all pretty much know that if you are going into a meeting with the corporate officers, a smile is nice, but giggly small-talk certainly doesn't cut it as far as professionalism goes. That's not to say that a graven attitude and only cold stares at everyone there is going to get the job done either. But i think we are, for the most part, able to adjust our basic attitudes to the appropriate level in most situations. When we consider attitudes, however, that affect the world around us, it is the inner most part of our attitude that drives the way our world revolves. It is the choice of our "moods" that really make the difference. It is so easy to be "sucked" into the attitude of those around us - to become like them, to respond in like manner. If you are around people who have a strong, positive, light-hearted, kind, giving, loving attitude how can you help but have a few of those traits yourself. If you are around people who are always tired, ill, angry, or bored - then its almost a guarantee that you will find yourself acting in that same manner.
So here's my solution - and its profound . . . surround yourself with those who have an attitude you love! Yep, that's it! I told you it was simple - NOT! Unfortunately, we are not able to control others attitudes. We can help encourage them one way or another, but we are not in control of them. We can only be in control of ourselves. So the real solution must be to CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE, and then guard it with your life. Don't get sucked into the attitudes around you. Don't get sucked into the problems of life. Problems will happen and we have to deal with them, but do just that - deal with them, then move on. One of my favorite things to do when i used to work in restaurants was to find a person in an absolutely foul mood, and then do everything i could to make sure that person left with a smile on their face. Most times i could do it, but on the times i couldn't, I'm betting that they at least felt a bit better when they left than when they came in (thank God for good food - LOL). In doing good for others you do your own heart good.
Let me just say one more thing about doing good for others. Its wonderful and we should take as many opportunities as we can to lift up others. Whether its words or deeds it doesn't matter. Kindness is contagious . . . usually. Many of us "do-gooders" have a real tendency to spend so much of our energy doing for others that we don't "do" for ourselves. That causes stress and stress affects our attitude. Take time for yourself. Do good, kind things for yourself from time to time and learn to say "no". Sometimes you just need to and people will understand. You have "worth" and you are valued as a person. Sometimes you can get so caught up in "doing" for others that you begin to loose your own self worth. That's a dangerous place to be so take a break and spoil yourself from time to time.
My favorite quote on attitudes is from a guy who has about the best attitude i could ever want to emulate - John Maxwell. "Your attitude determines your altitude".
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Testing the Empty Nest
The next few days will be a test of the Empty Nest Syndrome. RandiLyn left for a short vacation to Florida to stay with my brother and i am feeling like my little girl has moved away. I know that is probably a huge exaggeration of what is really taking place, but i had to be brave and let her go to a big airport, go in all by herself, do all the check-in stuff without me standing right there to intervene when needed, get on that big bus that takes on air and glides to a destination in amazing time, then get off in another even bigger airport, find her next take-off spot, wait in the midst of strangers and "strange-folk" for a long time, get on another big air bus, and fly to yet another huge airport, try to find luggage all alone, and race safely to my waiting brother (who is always more than a few minutes late). Well, after much prayer and putting her in the safe arms of the Lord, she has made it safely and is enjoying Fla. way too much for mom's liking! Thank you brother David!
Now i know that when someone comes into town to visit, especially for the first time, you are required to show them a great time and keep them busy every minute . . . however, you must keep in mind that this is my 18 year old baby, and she is just itching for a chance to move onward in life to any potentially fun, exiciting opportunity that may jump in her path. Even my SIL, Heidi, is taking her to a really big church down there that she told RL she will really like. Now, dont get me wrong, i am way happy that Heidi is taking her to church, but now you are touching on those little points that will make Southern Fla. seem so much like home, and so easy to transition into should she decide to re-locate soon. So far the ocean and beach are way cool, the water is so beautiful and blue, the Hard Rock Cafe down there is soooo huge-a and cool, the weather is sooo wonderful (even though its been rainy), and "mom, i wish you could be here with me - its so beautiful that you wont believe it". I know, i know. I lived there - remember? Well, i cant blame David and Heidi for showing her a good time. Thats their job as good Aunt and Uncle, but could you please tell her how wonderful it is in Buffalo with its wonderfully unpredictable snowstorms in October, its torrential rainstorms accompanied by severe thunderstorms in the midst of our dinner party which was planned for the patio (every time we have had one this year or last, including last night - more later about that!), the 2 whole weeks of wonderful summer weather that we get to savor, and all of the mud, slush, and beautiful salt-stained snow which so vividly enhances our viewing pleasure? I just know with that in mind, she will be rushing home to stay any moment . . . yeah, right!
Oh well, so goes for practicing to adjust to the "empty nest"! I guess we better get used to the idea.
As for the dinner party last night, well lets just say that i have pretty much decide there are 2 things in life that im not planning on doing any more, or at least for now (maybe until grandchildren come into the picture). The two things are - no more family get-to-gethers, and no more outdoor parties. We wont get into the family thing here but as for outdoor parties . . . Yesterday i spent from 6:30am until 6:00pm getting my house thoroughly cleaned (Walt worked dilegently outside and even passed up a chance for overtime - what a wonderful husband). I shopped and cooked and set up (not to mention shopping and cooking earlier in the week) so we could entertain 12 of our best friends and 5 of their young children. It was Italian nite and i cooked a huge amount of pasta, meatballs and sauce along with chicken ceasar salad, garlic bread, spinach and regular pizza, stuffed mushrooms, artichoke dip and to top it off, carrot cake. My friend Deb also brought 2 wonderful cakes. We had this wonderful night by the pond, under starlight and candle, ending with a gathering around the firepit for good laughs and conversation. Well, let me tell you - not much laughing going on! At the outset it was wonderful, but then from nowhere this Huge-a bolt of lightening that dropped everyone to their knees flew literally overhead and hit the ground so hard we almost all needed defibrulators. From there little rumbles were going on, then the rain and more bigger rumbles, bright lightening way too close for my comfort (i went in the house . . .chicken!). As i was getting some things ready for dessert in the house i looked out and saw the tent canopy swaying so hard in the wind (mind you, its 10'x20',not small), the sides flying up, and rain so hard that you couldnt see 10 feet in front of you clearly. Lightening everywhere and then the hail comes down. Im on the cell phone to my husband who is in the tent with all of our guests except the very smart children who are in the house with me (asking for candles to be lit because they were sure the power was going to go out - and i was, of course lighting them). Get in heeerrrreeee noooowww!!!! im screaming to him. He is telling me they are trying to get there but its really raining hard! No kidding, im watching it and im watching that tent which is about to blow away so you might as well just go for it! All of a sudden i have 12 people all trying to get in my back door and up the steps at the same time. Of course there are 2 dogs, 1 huge cat, and 5 kids all blocking the way. Now its a comparrison of who is wettest, as they all come into the nicely air-conditioned house and say "shut off the air - we are freezing! (they would have enjoyed all the heat that was bottled up in the kitchen hours ago when i was slaving over preparations with an oven and 4 burners going). . . .
As you may have guessed, the party really dwinded from there! We made a few attempts to go back out, but after the hailstorm decided to let up, the rain just continued to drizzle and it was hopeless. The party that was supposed to last till the wee hours around the firepit was over at 9pm. Thus, no more outdoor parties!
Today i get to spend most of the day cleaning up and i will do it cheerfully and with a glad heart - maybe. In the meantime, i will be missing my beautiful daughter as she becomes more and more impressed with a life in the south. Im sure i will get pic messages and many more texts about its beauty. Hmmmm, maybe we should move down there . . .
Blessings on this beautiful day,
Lin
Now i know that when someone comes into town to visit, especially for the first time, you are required to show them a great time and keep them busy every minute . . . however, you must keep in mind that this is my 18 year old baby, and she is just itching for a chance to move onward in life to any potentially fun, exiciting opportunity that may jump in her path. Even my SIL, Heidi, is taking her to a really big church down there that she told RL she will really like. Now, dont get me wrong, i am way happy that Heidi is taking her to church, but now you are touching on those little points that will make Southern Fla. seem so much like home, and so easy to transition into should she decide to re-locate soon. So far the ocean and beach are way cool, the water is so beautiful and blue, the Hard Rock Cafe down there is soooo huge-a and cool, the weather is sooo wonderful (even though its been rainy), and "mom, i wish you could be here with me - its so beautiful that you wont believe it". I know, i know. I lived there - remember? Well, i cant blame David and Heidi for showing her a good time. Thats their job as good Aunt and Uncle, but could you please tell her how wonderful it is in Buffalo with its wonderfully unpredictable snowstorms in October, its torrential rainstorms accompanied by severe thunderstorms in the midst of our dinner party which was planned for the patio (every time we have had one this year or last, including last night - more later about that!), the 2 whole weeks of wonderful summer weather that we get to savor, and all of the mud, slush, and beautiful salt-stained snow which so vividly enhances our viewing pleasure? I just know with that in mind, she will be rushing home to stay any moment . . . yeah, right!
Oh well, so goes for practicing to adjust to the "empty nest"! I guess we better get used to the idea.
As for the dinner party last night, well lets just say that i have pretty much decide there are 2 things in life that im not planning on doing any more, or at least for now (maybe until grandchildren come into the picture). The two things are - no more family get-to-gethers, and no more outdoor parties. We wont get into the family thing here but as for outdoor parties . . . Yesterday i spent from 6:30am until 6:00pm getting my house thoroughly cleaned (Walt worked dilegently outside and even passed up a chance for overtime - what a wonderful husband). I shopped and cooked and set up (not to mention shopping and cooking earlier in the week) so we could entertain 12 of our best friends and 5 of their young children. It was Italian nite and i cooked a huge amount of pasta, meatballs and sauce along with chicken ceasar salad, garlic bread, spinach and regular pizza, stuffed mushrooms, artichoke dip and to top it off, carrot cake. My friend Deb also brought 2 wonderful cakes. We had this wonderful night by the pond, under starlight and candle, ending with a gathering around the firepit for good laughs and conversation. Well, let me tell you - not much laughing going on! At the outset it was wonderful, but then from nowhere this Huge-a bolt of lightening that dropped everyone to their knees flew literally overhead and hit the ground so hard we almost all needed defibrulators. From there little rumbles were going on, then the rain and more bigger rumbles, bright lightening way too close for my comfort (i went in the house . . .chicken!). As i was getting some things ready for dessert in the house i looked out and saw the tent canopy swaying so hard in the wind (mind you, its 10'x20',not small), the sides flying up, and rain so hard that you couldnt see 10 feet in front of you clearly. Lightening everywhere and then the hail comes down. Im on the cell phone to my husband who is in the tent with all of our guests except the very smart children who are in the house with me (asking for candles to be lit because they were sure the power was going to go out - and i was, of course lighting them). Get in heeerrrreeee noooowww!!!! im screaming to him. He is telling me they are trying to get there but its really raining hard! No kidding, im watching it and im watching that tent which is about to blow away so you might as well just go for it! All of a sudden i have 12 people all trying to get in my back door and up the steps at the same time. Of course there are 2 dogs, 1 huge cat, and 5 kids all blocking the way. Now its a comparrison of who is wettest, as they all come into the nicely air-conditioned house and say "shut off the air - we are freezing! (they would have enjoyed all the heat that was bottled up in the kitchen hours ago when i was slaving over preparations with an oven and 4 burners going). . . .
As you may have guessed, the party really dwinded from there! We made a few attempts to go back out, but after the hailstorm decided to let up, the rain just continued to drizzle and it was hopeless. The party that was supposed to last till the wee hours around the firepit was over at 9pm. Thus, no more outdoor parties!
Today i get to spend most of the day cleaning up and i will do it cheerfully and with a glad heart - maybe. In the meantime, i will be missing my beautiful daughter as she becomes more and more impressed with a life in the south. Im sure i will get pic messages and many more texts about its beauty. Hmmmm, maybe we should move down there . . .
Blessings on this beautiful day,
Lin
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Moving On
Its a beautiful Sunday morning and i am completely enjoying the tranquility of the moment. The fish are swimming carefree in the pond, there is a gentle breeze blowing the sweet smell from some unknown flower into my window, the sun is sparkling on the stream, and the birds are filling the air with a beautiful song.
Today is the day that i closed out the journal i have been keeping for you, my precious daughter! There isnt any sadness in this moment as i had once imagined there would be. There is a feeling of anticipation and excitement. Closing your journal seems to be a step to a new future with you - one filled with new adventures and new journeys. It is a small step in releasing you to worlds yet unknown and a chance for me to see just how well i have done in raising the precious child God blessed me with 18 years ago. I am excited!
I hope that as you ponder through the pages of thoughts that i have kept since 1991 you will discover things you didnt know, remember things you forgot, and cherish the years as much as i do. The past is full of treasures that we hold. Hold them as a means to help you grow, not as a way to dwell on things you cant change. What is done is done, what is ahead is still undetermined, but what is here today is right in the palm of your hand. Grab onto each moment and live it well, live it right, live it with love in your heart and joy in your feet. Let God be the one who leads you, and remember that my love and support is right by your side always.
God bless and lead you (and me) as we venture down new roads and discover many new lands. Im right here with you PeeDee, and we are gonna have some fun!
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Today is the day that i closed out the journal i have been keeping for you, my precious daughter! There isnt any sadness in this moment as i had once imagined there would be. There is a feeling of anticipation and excitement. Closing your journal seems to be a step to a new future with you - one filled with new adventures and new journeys. It is a small step in releasing you to worlds yet unknown and a chance for me to see just how well i have done in raising the precious child God blessed me with 18 years ago. I am excited!
I hope that as you ponder through the pages of thoughts that i have kept since 1991 you will discover things you didnt know, remember things you forgot, and cherish the years as much as i do. The past is full of treasures that we hold. Hold them as a means to help you grow, not as a way to dwell on things you cant change. What is done is done, what is ahead is still undetermined, but what is here today is right in the palm of your hand. Grab onto each moment and live it well, live it right, live it with love in your heart and joy in your feet. Let God be the one who leads you, and remember that my love and support is right by your side always.
God bless and lead you (and me) as we venture down new roads and discover many new lands. Im right here with you PeeDee, and we are gonna have some fun!
Love, Mom
XOXOXO
Sunday, July 6, 2008
God Blessed Me By Making Me Your Mom!
What a day! Its the one you think about as your little baby sleeps snuggly in your arms. Its the one you imagine as you put your child on that school bus for the first time and they hold on to your neck for dear life and you have to peel their little hands from you and watch them cry hysterically as the bus pulls away. Its the one you think of as they begin their first day of high school, knowing all too well the next 4 years will pass in a heartbeat. Its the day that makes you realize that God gave you a job to do and you have done the best you can. You have made it to this day and from here on out things change. You are in semi retirement now and your teaching takes a backseat to the worlds sometime hard and cold lessons. Yet you have a new function. One that could hold many new moments to treasure and many opportunities to share life experiences, in a new and almost exciting way. Now you get to deal with that precious child as a precious young adult. The lessons will be new, the outcomes will be interesting, and God will still be right there guiding and leading me forward on this new adventure. I look forward to it, and i look forward to watching my precious little baby girl, my exciting and vibrant little girl, my beautiful and wonderful daughter as she becomes a woman. Enjoy your adventures - every one - and know that im still right here for you always and i will never leave you for one minute. I love you PeeDee.
Mom
XOXOXO
Mom
XOXOXO
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Unseen . . .
As i sit here this morning on my front porch i feel compelled to put thought to writting. Im not still 49 - and as hard as that is for me to actually comprehend it is the truth. A half a century seems like a really long time, yet in the perspective of my life, it seems like a blink of the eye. That thought is scary to me because it makes me realize that i have, realistically, lived over half my life - and that being said, i have alot i want to get done and i had better get moving!
I think that the one thing i have strived to accomplish, yet seem to be having a huge setback right now, is to have a life that is surrendered to God. A life where serving Him, loving Him, and living every day for Him is not something i have to work at or think about, its something that just happens. I have been so blessed by the blog that Angie Smith has been writing: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
Angie and her husband, Todd have been going through such a difficult time, and yet, at every turn she is so surrendered to God. She has inspired me so with the way she always hears His voice and i want to be able to hear His voice also. What scares me in saying that is that i dont want to go through anything like she is enduring so i fear making statements like that. What i need to realize is that this kind of thinking comes from the enemy, Satan. He puts doubt and fear in our mind and trys to block our way to God. I need to get over this and just be completely able to surrender. I also need to make the time to grow in my relationship with God. I can never expect to hear from Him if i dont make the time to listen. My prayer right now is that (oh those fears of what He might do) I will work harder on making time for conversation with God, and that i will be drawn to His life-manual . . . The Bible. (And as a side note, Lord, i just pray that you will be present and huge in the lives of Angie and Todd, and also Greg and Nicole Sponberg as they go through this painful time. Only You can bring them the comfort and peace they need so desperately.)
Oh my goodness! My precious daughter is almost graduating from highschool and i dont believe how fast she has grown up. I am proud of her beyond words and i pray, pray, pray that she will make good choices and be sucessful and happy in her life. I know that this month will be an absolute whirlwind and that it will seem like no time at all until i am sitting here writing about her last month of highschool and all the fond memories i have of her.
Unseen . . . i almost forgot what i titled this. In short - His mercy, grace and love flow in abundance to all who acknowledge Him, and even to many who do not. He is only "unsceen" to those who choose to not open their eyes, minds and hearts. When you are open to Him, you just cant miss Him. . . and He love us, each and everyone in depths we cannot even fathom.
Summer is almost here. For that i am really happy (oh, why do i live in Buffalo?)
I think that the one thing i have strived to accomplish, yet seem to be having a huge setback right now, is to have a life that is surrendered to God. A life where serving Him, loving Him, and living every day for Him is not something i have to work at or think about, its something that just happens. I have been so blessed by the blog that Angie Smith has been writing: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
Angie and her husband, Todd have been going through such a difficult time, and yet, at every turn she is so surrendered to God. She has inspired me so with the way she always hears His voice and i want to be able to hear His voice also. What scares me in saying that is that i dont want to go through anything like she is enduring so i fear making statements like that. What i need to realize is that this kind of thinking comes from the enemy, Satan. He puts doubt and fear in our mind and trys to block our way to God. I need to get over this and just be completely able to surrender. I also need to make the time to grow in my relationship with God. I can never expect to hear from Him if i dont make the time to listen. My prayer right now is that (oh those fears of what He might do) I will work harder on making time for conversation with God, and that i will be drawn to His life-manual . . . The Bible. (And as a side note, Lord, i just pray that you will be present and huge in the lives of Angie and Todd, and also Greg and Nicole Sponberg as they go through this painful time. Only You can bring them the comfort and peace they need so desperately.)
Oh my goodness! My precious daughter is almost graduating from highschool and i dont believe how fast she has grown up. I am proud of her beyond words and i pray, pray, pray that she will make good choices and be sucessful and happy in her life. I know that this month will be an absolute whirlwind and that it will seem like no time at all until i am sitting here writing about her last month of highschool and all the fond memories i have of her.
Unseen . . . i almost forgot what i titled this. In short - His mercy, grace and love flow in abundance to all who acknowledge Him, and even to many who do not. He is only "unsceen" to those who choose to not open their eyes, minds and hearts. When you are open to Him, you just cant miss Him. . . and He love us, each and everyone in depths we cannot even fathom.
Summer is almost here. For that i am really happy (oh, why do i live in Buffalo?)
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