Today i will begin a new challenge called The Third Option. As the brochure says "There is her way, there is his way, or there is the Third Option". I think that's what i (we) need. I struggle.....we married each other to fulfill what God has given us as a gift. Its not ok with me to just go on day by day living some facade of a relationship because we have gone through a legalistic or spiritual ritual that says "so you are married". Marriage is not a legal or religious status. Marriage is one-ness.....one-ness despite differences, despite struggles, despite emotions, despite joy, despite anything that drops into our path at any time. Marriage is a connected-ness even when there is divide. Marriage is a complete lack of yourself and a total devotion and sacrifice to your spouse.
So today i begin the search for the ways to accomplish this. Today i give up myself. Today i open my arms to Jesus and let go of every ounce of my perceived dignity to do what i feel God has asked of me. I wanted, prayed and hoped that i would not be doing this alone. The embarrassment, the loneliness, the feeling of being inadequate....all will be painfully real. Jesus i truly TRUST You at your word, that this will be something that will change me. Not even just for my marriage, but for my relationships, my business, and more than ever for You - that i would be better equipped to do your work that You have in mind for me here on this earth.
My heart wanted to sit down and write out all the pain, all the thoughts of unfairness, all the struggles i have in my mind.....but if i do that then i really am not beginning this journey well. So Jesus, i will do my very best to put all those things aside and keep my eyes on You. Please hold my hand and get me through this well, restore any hope of dignity i have, and mold me into someone new for You. Im pretty positive my marriage will be better for it.
5/16/2022
Update:
Sadly, i never finished this. So sad, but here i am 7 years later and nothing has changed. Heartbreak - but there just wont be a beautiful relationship, a God-centered relationship. Only tolerance of each other.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Monday, September 22, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Colton John Smith - Grandma Lin is Awaiting You
It is a beautiful Sunday morning and im enjoying the complete peace of my home at this moment. The sun is low and bright in the sky, the birds are singing lightly, and everyone else is sleeping soundly which means I can grab a few moments to write. Thank you God, for this time and for the beauty you have afforded me on this earth. Help me to love it enough and never take it for granted.
Colton will be here in a mere two months! I am beyond excited and absolutely love watching my little girl growing bigger and bigger as baby is growing in her. She is beautiful and is doing so well. This is where I can finally see some of me in her - the way she carries on and does all that is needed. Physically strong and emotionally enduring. There is so much on her plate right now and she just takes it to task and gets it done. Not to say that every day is a breeze because its not. Owning a business, buying a house and having a baby all at once is huge.......oh, did I mention they bought a house????
So lets get to that! A few months back Walt had a problem with a tooth so he went to the dentist. While in the chair our old neighbor from Richfield Dr. comes in to chat and says "So I see (Uncle) Chuck has finally put the house up for sale." What???? When???? Walt could not wait to jump out of that chair and find out what was going on. He texted Randi as fast as he could, knowing that she always said she wanted to buy that house - the one she grew up during her high school days, the house we lived in and loved, the house Grandma O owned. Well, long story short, Uncle Chuck finally decided that it was time to let it go, but didn't realize that Randi would want it so he never told us. Randi and Ben just closed on it Thursday and are now in the very long process of getting it ready to live in. It will be a huge project. Previous tenants destroyed it so right now the bathroom and kitchen have been gutted, the rugs torn up, and huge exterminating done. Plumber coming tomorrow, Walt and Ben will begin the task of drywalling soon, carpets will have to be ordered and laid and hopefully they will move in around June 30 - HOPEFULLY. If not, I will get to enjoy them here at our home for a few weeks until its ready.
So much for retirement!!!! These two kids keep me on my toes and cut me no breaks....but I love it!
My retirement? Glad you asked. Wow - it has been so much different than I every expected. God has blessed me hugely with so much business that I could probably work 7 days and nights a week. Im trying to cut back, but its really hard. No complaints. I am truly enjoying this new business, the new people I meet daily, and working with my daughter. Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to finally have a job I enjoy and the income to sustain us.
As it would go, Walt went out of town to work in NYC a couple weeks ago, so of course, disaster has to strike. I went to bed on Wednesday evening at about 11:30. Just got settled in with Tobie and Tinker and I hear a loud pop, then sparks start flying from my ceiling fan. I hear buzzing, popping and sizzling all around me, then downstairs, then in the room next door. I was terrified. Tobie ran under the bed, Tinks jumped in my arms. I grabbed my phone, tried to find some clothing (because of course, it was very warm that evening and I had a skimpy nighty on), screaming for Tobie the whole time, finally got a sweatshirt on (no pants), started for the stairs and Tobie ran out and jumped up on me, down the stairs only to see smoke and flickering light from the dining room. Got my purse and keys, trying to dial 911 - shaking so badly I cant. Got outside and shoved the dogs into the car, called 911, called Randi and Ben (asked her to bring me some sweatpants LOL), called Walt in NYC screaming "you have to come home, the house is on fire". Apparently our house took a huge power surge and some incompetent electrician didn't put a ground on our electrical box. The fire department thought it in my best interest to turn off all the power and threaten that they were advising the town inspector of this and I was not to turn on any power until and electrician checked things out. Ok, great - except it had been raining endlessly for days and there were flood waters all around so the sump pump was working on backup which couldn't keep up so our basement flooded as well. Did I mention - what a mess!!!! Thinsg that you never believe could, float. Lego's make their way to every corner of the basement and I still keep finding them. It was a long process of clean up with six very large fans and a dehumidifier running constantly for 3 days and nights (so quiet and peaceful when they finally came and shut them off). New electric panel with a ground, new appliances, much clean up and re-organization......thankfully we have good insurance because we have to replace TVs, stereos, speakers, computers, surge strips, light bulbs, washer, dryer, dehumidifier, etc, etc. Probably in the ball park of $10,000 damages. But the good new is Walt got to come home for my birthday. LOL. This was huge, but in comparison to what so many have had to deal with in other places in this country, this was nothing. Im very grateful that it wasn't worse, the house didn't burn down, and we are all still here to talk about it. Oh, the smoke in the dining room was one of my favorite aroma touch lamps that was overheating in the cord and flickering.
So now we look forward to a baby shower on June 22 and a move on June 30 or there about. Our lives are so blessed - never want to take that for granted because it all can change. Im so looking forward to holding my precious little grandbaby and sharing the moments of birth with my daughter. I am a proud momma, soon to be a proud grandma! Lord, you have given me so much to be grateful for. May I never, ever take it for granted. You are so awesome and amazing. My life is so much more than it would every had been if you hadn't called me out and made sure I followed. Until next post - blessings and love to you.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Love Life's Changes-New Journeys
Life is always full of new paths and journeys into the unknown. I can definitely say that this is very true in my life. It, of course, has been way too long since I have written so why wouldn't life be moving in many different directions? God has BLESSED my life and it is full of such richness. I need to take more time to just soak it all in and lift my hands up high to Him in grateful thanksgiving.
Where to start? I think I left off with a wonderful wedding. Things moved on quite peacefully and normally. Ben and Randi moved into an apartment in Lockport which was very near to my work so I could just shoot over on my lunch break and visit or borrow their space to enjoy some quiet time away from the Health Dept. Randi worked very hard at Salon Beautique and built herself a wonderful clientele. Ben, in a deep search for what he wanted to do, tried a few different jobs, contemplated more education, and finally landed a job at a car dealership that he seems to enjoy and they seem to treat him well.
Sadly, we lost our lovely, wonderful Aunt Annie. What a trouper she was throughout all her struggles to beat her failing lungs. In the end, she and Chuck knew it was time for her to go home to her Lord and we all know that she is finally in the place she belongs and we will share with her once again. We love you so much Aunt Annie. Uncle Chuck has done quite well this year, although he is very lonely. We just found out this week that Chuckie, Shelley and the kids are going to move into his home with him. That is wonderful news and we are excited for all of them (but where will we sleep when we come to visit???).
About a year ago Randi, Ben and I were at dinner and we were having a discussion about issues Randi was having at the salon. The new owner was not a very class-act and some of the girls she was bringing on board were not too classy either. Randi really works so hard to have a good work ethic and to bring a high quality of hair care to her clients so this was really bothering her. Along with that, one of her clients showed up, but she had an appointment with another stylist. Apparently she had called the salon and Randi wasn't working so the new owner scheduled this client with another stylist rather than giving her Randi's number. The client didn't know. We talked and Randi decided to begin a search for a new salon to work at - sooooo, Monday she started searching on Craigslist for salons that were hiring. Well, onto a new journey - she found a salon in the village of Williamsville up for sale! Price - unbelievable! Call to mom (do you think its a scam?). Mom does research, calls number, talks to owner, they are moving out of town and need to sell quickly. So, in April of 2013 Randi is now the proud owner of Shear Passion Hair Salon, which opened on May 1, 2013!!!! And let me tell you, this girl can rock! She managed to keep all of her clients, they love the new salon, and she is doing great!
So now mom is sitting at her very boring job at the Health Dept. wondering how much more of this she can honestly stand. Then she hears that you can retire from the county with less than 20 years at age 55 and still get a pension. Wheels are now turning, but the new salon is way too small to take on what I had thought I wanted to do - be an esthetician. So Randi suggest learning nails. Mom researches again and finds a class at Erie Boces that is full time and starts June 1 so I could be working by September. Perfect!!!! but not in God's plans. I was completely blown away when I called in early May to set up my interview and they advised me that the class was being cancelled. I called Randi and in her wisdom she said "mom, don't get so disappointed. God will take care of it and everything will work out." She is full of way more wisdom and trust than I find myself to be. So on to find a plan B. Called all over and could only find a part time (19 week) class at Salon Professional Academy that started July 29 and ended December 5. Ugh - how would I do that? Couldn't even imagine working full time and going to school for four months can ever possibly work....but with much encouragement and reassurance from my hubby and daughter I took the steps to take this new journey and see what is up the road ahead. And im so glad I did. Loved going to school, hated going to work. Graduated and started working at the salon on December 18, 2013! It was a crazy, busy December and so far so good. I am pretty busy - much mores so than I had dreamed. Im working out all the kinks and figure, just about the time I ready to really retire I will have this all down to a science.
Life is a journey and im so glad that God has allowed me these neat twists and turns along the way
Now here is the really BIG, really EXCITING news! Im going to be a grandma! I have a beautiful baby boy coming in the beginning of August. Well, at least at this point we are pretty sure he is a "he". The little bugger keeps his legs crossed in all the sonograms so they don't really have a good, official picture yet. His name will be Colton James (CJ) and he will be grandma's pride and joy. I am beyond excited. Randi told me on Christmas eve and said she was really surprised I hadn't noticed how sick she was at work all of December. Well girl, you move so fast and manage so many clients in a day that no one would have noticed a darn thing. You will be 24 years old in a few days and I am so proud to see the woman you have grown into and am so looking forward to watching the momma you will become. What a very blessed gift that God gave you and Ben, and that He has blessed my life with.
Right now it is mid-winter, very cold, and I have a serious case of cabin fever. Just a bit over all this snow that is falling, but so glad that the Lord has seen fit to give me a nice, warm home and two furry, cuddly pups to sit next to me and keep me company. Today is a day that is a gift and I praise and thank you Lord for blessing me with it. Till next time.....
Where to start? I think I left off with a wonderful wedding. Things moved on quite peacefully and normally. Ben and Randi moved into an apartment in Lockport which was very near to my work so I could just shoot over on my lunch break and visit or borrow their space to enjoy some quiet time away from the Health Dept. Randi worked very hard at Salon Beautique and built herself a wonderful clientele. Ben, in a deep search for what he wanted to do, tried a few different jobs, contemplated more education, and finally landed a job at a car dealership that he seems to enjoy and they seem to treat him well.
Sadly, we lost our lovely, wonderful Aunt Annie. What a trouper she was throughout all her struggles to beat her failing lungs. In the end, she and Chuck knew it was time for her to go home to her Lord and we all know that she is finally in the place she belongs and we will share with her once again. We love you so much Aunt Annie. Uncle Chuck has done quite well this year, although he is very lonely. We just found out this week that Chuckie, Shelley and the kids are going to move into his home with him. That is wonderful news and we are excited for all of them (but where will we sleep when we come to visit???).
About a year ago Randi, Ben and I were at dinner and we were having a discussion about issues Randi was having at the salon. The new owner was not a very class-act and some of the girls she was bringing on board were not too classy either. Randi really works so hard to have a good work ethic and to bring a high quality of hair care to her clients so this was really bothering her. Along with that, one of her clients showed up, but she had an appointment with another stylist. Apparently she had called the salon and Randi wasn't working so the new owner scheduled this client with another stylist rather than giving her Randi's number. The client didn't know. We talked and Randi decided to begin a search for a new salon to work at - sooooo, Monday she started searching on Craigslist for salons that were hiring. Well, onto a new journey - she found a salon in the village of Williamsville up for sale! Price - unbelievable! Call to mom (do you think its a scam?). Mom does research, calls number, talks to owner, they are moving out of town and need to sell quickly. So, in April of 2013 Randi is now the proud owner of Shear Passion Hair Salon, which opened on May 1, 2013!!!! And let me tell you, this girl can rock! She managed to keep all of her clients, they love the new salon, and she is doing great!
So now mom is sitting at her very boring job at the Health Dept. wondering how much more of this she can honestly stand. Then she hears that you can retire from the county with less than 20 years at age 55 and still get a pension. Wheels are now turning, but the new salon is way too small to take on what I had thought I wanted to do - be an esthetician. So Randi suggest learning nails. Mom researches again and finds a class at Erie Boces that is full time and starts June 1 so I could be working by September. Perfect!!!! but not in God's plans. I was completely blown away when I called in early May to set up my interview and they advised me that the class was being cancelled. I called Randi and in her wisdom she said "mom, don't get so disappointed. God will take care of it and everything will work out." She is full of way more wisdom and trust than I find myself to be. So on to find a plan B. Called all over and could only find a part time (19 week) class at Salon Professional Academy that started July 29 and ended December 5. Ugh - how would I do that? Couldn't even imagine working full time and going to school for four months can ever possibly work....but with much encouragement and reassurance from my hubby and daughter I took the steps to take this new journey and see what is up the road ahead. And im so glad I did. Loved going to school, hated going to work. Graduated and started working at the salon on December 18, 2013! It was a crazy, busy December and so far so good. I am pretty busy - much mores so than I had dreamed. Im working out all the kinks and figure, just about the time I ready to really retire I will have this all down to a science.
Life is a journey and im so glad that God has allowed me these neat twists and turns along the way
Now here is the really BIG, really EXCITING news! Im going to be a grandma! I have a beautiful baby boy coming in the beginning of August. Well, at least at this point we are pretty sure he is a "he". The little bugger keeps his legs crossed in all the sonograms so they don't really have a good, official picture yet. His name will be Colton James (CJ) and he will be grandma's pride and joy. I am beyond excited. Randi told me on Christmas eve and said she was really surprised I hadn't noticed how sick she was at work all of December. Well girl, you move so fast and manage so many clients in a day that no one would have noticed a darn thing. You will be 24 years old in a few days and I am so proud to see the woman you have grown into and am so looking forward to watching the momma you will become. What a very blessed gift that God gave you and Ben, and that He has blessed my life with.
Right now it is mid-winter, very cold, and I have a serious case of cabin fever. Just a bit over all this snow that is falling, but so glad that the Lord has seen fit to give me a nice, warm home and two furry, cuddly pups to sit next to me and keep me company. Today is a day that is a gift and I praise and thank you Lord for blessing me with it. Till next time.....
Sunday, August 12, 2012
On Your Wedding Day...
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