Life is Confusing and Always a Challenge

Today i will begin a new challenge called The Third Option. As the brochure says "There is her way, there is his way, or there is the Third Option". I think that's what i (we) need. I struggle.....we married each other to fulfill what God has given us as a gift. Its not ok with me to just go on day by day living some facade of a relationship because we have gone through a legalistic or spiritual ritual that says "so you are married". Marriage is not a legal or religious status. Marriage is one-ness.....one-ness despite differences, despite struggles, despite emotions, despite joy, despite anything that drops into our path at any time. Marriage is a connected-ness even when there is divide. Marriage is a complete lack of yourself and a total devotion and sacrifice to your spouse.

So today i begin the search for the ways to accomplish this. Today i give up myself. Today i open my arms to Jesus and let go of every ounce of my perceived dignity to do what i feel God has asked of me. I wanted, prayed and hoped that i would not be doing this alone. The embarrassment, the loneliness, the feeling of being inadequate....all will be painfully real. Jesus i truly TRUST You at your word, that this will be something that will change me. Not even just for my marriage, but for my relationships, my business, and more than ever for You - that i would be better equipped to do your work that You have in mind for me here on this earth.

My heart wanted to sit down and write out all the pain, all the thoughts of unfairness, all the struggles i have in my mind.....but if i do that then i really am not beginning this journey well. So Jesus, i will do my very best to put all those things aside and keep my eyes on You. Please hold my hand and get me through this well, restore any hope of dignity i have, and mold me into someone new for You. Im pretty positive my marriage will be better for it. 5/16/2022 Update: Sadly, i never finished this. So sad, but here i am 7 years later and nothing has changed. Heartbreak - but there just wont be a beautiful relationship, a God-centered relationship. Only tolerance of each other.